I am totally confused. I am reading a lot of blogs right now and I’ve no idea what I m going to write about.
Every time I read a new blog I want to write like that. I am so lost here. I don’t know what I am gonna do.
The worst part is I am spending a lot of time here. Gosh!!this is so addictive. And that i am not studying. and as I’ve already said the only way i can change my stupid life is by studying and qualifying an exam named GATE. Not just qualifying it but getting an all India rank under 100 which by my standards seem impossible.
I am so frustrated right now…I dont know what to do with my life. I started blogging to relieve myself, to make a note of what i am doing and what i am not but instead of that i am getting confused again.
My life has always been like this.
I was confused when i finished school and took a decision which changed my life. I am confused now when I’ve finished college. I am even confused about what to write in my blog. WHY????
The thing is, i always had big dreams and i never took any steps to achieve them. Whenever i see someone getting recognized or someone living his/her dream i envy them. I always wish to be someone else. I was always a dreamer not a doer. I look for motivating quotes, i read inspiring books but i never follow them. And i know this life i have now is the outcome of my mistakes yet again, i do nothing to change it.
And i dont know why i am like this. Why am i so lazy to take steps, to achieve something i wish for?
I am looking for answers to this question and its been 7 yrs…..
7 years of breathing but not living,
7 years of failing and never rising up,
7 years of sorrow and regrets,
7 years of planning without success,
7 years of struggle without progress!!!
Yet i dream of having a great life some day. Even when i am depressed i do hope of a bright future. Sometimes i do laugh at my own dreams. Dreaming to travel the whole world someday when my parents dont even allow me to go to the market alone, dreaming to get 1st rank in GATE when i haven’t even finished one subject properly, Dreaming to get the love of my life when in reality we could never be together. But that is what dreams are for. They are not real (not for me at least 😉 ) May be someday they’ll come true for me too…if not i can at least smile for what nonsense i thought about. Life is always better with a smile. And i think i look pretty awesome when i smile.