Laptop Problems :-(

My laptop sucks big time. You know that’s the reason i wasn’t able to blog and how suffocating it feels. I have become so addicted to blogging. It’s all inside my mind now. So many things going on in my life and i cant write because of this stupid laptop. I’ve plans to buy a new one this Diwali though and i’ve started  collecting funds for that. You all know, i am broke so i’ve to ask all my folks for money.
I hope to collect enough money to buy a laptop and anyway its diwali time so i am quite sure i’ll get that much. I am missing out all the fun here. I’ve not read any blogs. I’ve to reply to so many comments but i cant because i dont know when this will again shut down. I’ll reply to all your comments and tags as soon as possible. Oh, i miss blogging. This was the only thing i enjoy in my boring life. 😦

I hope this starts working or i get a new one soon.

Wish me luck for my Laptop charity program. Chanda poora ho jae and mere sare bhai behen, mama, mousi khule dil se contribute kren. Yaar ye bhagwan bhi na, mera aakhiri sahara bhi mujhse cheen rha hai. 😦

The Things We Say Unknowingly

Back in 2008, i once went to a hospital with my mom, just for a regular check up. On seeing a patient rushed to an ICU, i remarked, ” You know mom, i’ve never seen an ICU in my life”.

The very next day, my mom was In The ICU.

I’ve wished for many things before, but God never made my wishes come true, but for this one wish, he just couldn’t wait for even a day.

When the doctor allowed one person to go inside and see my mom, i just couldn’t move. I wasn’t that strong you know. Seeing an ICU was no longer an adventure to me.

Moral Of the Story: 

Never wish for those things, you know you are going to regret later in your life.

Sometimes in moments of anger, frustration, excitement, sadness we tend to say some things we never meant to say.

Remember, someone up there is always waiting to teach us a lesson.Don’t give him a chance to do that.

I’ve learned it the hard way. Don’t be like me. 

Love: What i’ve seen, heard, read and felt!

Love, a four letter word, about which thousands of words are written everyday. What is it about love, that makes it so special? Is it merely a chemical reaction, a biological phenomenon or a psychological aspect or much more than that? What is it exactly?

No one has ever given an absolute answer to that question. We have read a thousand novels written over love, yet we can’t define it. As, it is different in each one. It could be passion in one, sacrifice in another, responsibility for one and need for another. We have seen thousands of movies, the romantic flicks, the love sagas and still we can’t find words to define love. And that’s because it varies. It takes different forms, it follows different norms. Love can never be the same. Love brings out different stories for different people. It brings out a different person everytime. The times we fell in love and we fell out of it, it changes us. We are no longer the same. We could find love anywhere, buses, colleges, clubs, weddings, floods, festivals. And in that one moment, the moment we find love, the world changes.  The day you feel that emotion building up inside you, you are a different person already. And then, after changing us, it leaves us, sometimes. And here again, giving us thousand different reasons to fall out of it. But what matters most is the time between these two incidents, the time when we live our love. Don’t you think it makes us stupid sometimes? The same movies we laughed at in the past, now brings a smile on our face. Two people walking hand in hand on the road don’t look like fools anymore to us. It changes our outlook towards life. We are no longer us. A hug or even a text from the person we love makes the world look beautiful even in the toughest of times. Love makes us fearless. Things we would have never imagined to do ever in our life would happen just like that. We make plans, we lie, we fight just for the sake of meeting that one person we love. Love crosses boundaries of states, religion, countries, and race and still, it seems possible. It deletes the word impossible from our dictionary. Even if something does seems to be impossible we make our best efforts to make it work. No one who ever falls in love, want it to end and yet when it does, after days, months or years of heartbreak he rises up, to fall in love again.

Love never fails the feelings fail.

Love never changes, the situations change.

It might have broken you down, made you helpless, but remember it is something that once gave you all the happiness in the world.

Love is powerful, mysterious, confusing and magical.

Never give up your hopes on love.

 Just Love and Let it be….. 

YOU

I’ve written about people,places,studies and work,

But other than the things i mentioned above,

You are my favorite topic to write about, my love!

You are,

The lyrics of my favorite song,

The rhyme that i hum along,

The hero of my fairy tale,

A test a could never fail,

The spice in my food,

The different shades of my mood.

The sugar to my tea,

The words i hear, the things i see.

You are just everywhere,

In my room, my heart,

My thoughts and my prayers,

You are, my soul,my muse,

You are the one, i could never lose.

And everytime we talk about us,

You make me believe this love is true.

And so when i take out my pen and paper to write,

I end up writing lines about you.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Jobless

I wasted the whole day. I didn’t even read a single page. I don’t know why. I couldn’t get myself to study at all. I googled random things, read them all. Took some online, ‘Am I Depressed Quiz’ (i keep doing that), searched a whole lot of blogs, read many posts, wasted some more time. I don’t know why textbooks repel me. Even though i know i’ve to read them, i just can’t. This has been a habit of mine, i can’t study until the day of exam is very near but i can’t do that now as this is an ‘ENTRANCE EXAM’ and thousands of students all over India would be studying all day and night long to get a decent seat in a decent college somehow. As for me, i am wasting my time and my mind over useless things. Everyday i get news of my classmates either joining top universities abroad or getting hefty pay packages here in India. Although i’ve deleted my facebook account and cut down almost all contacts, news like this somehow reach me. And i hate it. I am jealous and i am admitting it here. Though i hate being jealous, i just cant help it. I was like this since i was a kid. But those were the times when i took jealously in a positive way, i now take it very negatively. I get depressed. And no one understands me here. All they say it, don’t worry, if you wont get a good rank we’ll opt for a management seat. But no one understands that i don’t want to buy a seat. I want to earn it. I want to earn my long lost respect, but  (yes, this BUT is a huge problem) i cant work hard. I think about it, i plan, i even execute the plan for 2-3 days until i am on my old way again. I am just lazy and i am ruining my future because of it.

One reason for not studying is, i am not interested. I hate studying. And when i tell this to my brother, he says, everyone hates studying but still they study. I like reading though. I wish i had joined literature instead of engineering. On a positive note, i am actually learning these days.  I’ll tell you,i didn’t know this much biotechnology when i was actually in college. Its only now, that i am beginning to understand these concepts. But understanding the concepts and answering the MCQs are two different things. MCQs are tough. And the funniest part about them, they always ask MCQs from the parts i left while studying. Did i tell you i am unlucky?

Engineering was fun, and just that. The country is just producing a breed of ‘i know nothing engineers’. Some of them are rich and lucky and join foreign universities. The unlucky ones struggle in our corrupted nation. In one of the exams that i wrote, the seals of the question paper was broken. What would one expect for the results? Nothing . This is how it is.

But yes, you cant blame everyone for the life you are living. I know its my fault. I’ve to think about it seriously at least now.

For now, i can just hope that tomorrow wont be like today and I’ll read study a few 100 pages. I wish i could do that more often though as i am left with only 90 days more.

On a different note, i am missing college and my friends like anything. I am missing hostel, namma Bangalore, those carefree days when i had nothing to worry about.

Why life becomes more complicated as we grow up? Why do we have to struggle at every phase of our life? And why do i’ve this strong feeling that i am the only one in my entire class who is actually struggling? Did i make a wrong decision by not sitting for the placement interviews last year? Why something that felt so right that time, feels like a mistake now?

‘I took the road less traveled by, and it hasn’t yet made any difference’ 

 

These Small Little Things

A laughing child,

A rickshaw ride,

A flying kite,

A full moon night,

The morning tea on my bed,

The evening walk with my pet,

The snowy endless mountains,

The wind, the clouds, the sudden rains,

A beautiful home and a garden of my own,

A new text message on my phone,

An unexpected call from an old friend,

A new dress from the latest trend,

A melodious song I heard today,

A flock of birds playing in the clay,

The green rice fields and their flowing spikes,

The comments on my blog, and the dozen likes,

These small little things never crossed my mind,

I never felt they exist, I guess I was blind.

Because,

As I really opened my eyes and looked around for a while,

I saw a thousand things,

Found a thousand reasons that make me smile.

Fear

I fear,

failure.

I fear,

losing this war,

even before, fighting it.

I fear,

never finding myself again.

I fear,

broken dreams,

false expectations.

I fear,

the unknown.

I am scared,

to see myself,

alone, lonely.

Everyday.

Every moment.

I fear.

As days are passing by, i am scared of failing again. There is no definite way. I am just walking to an unknown place. I am lost. I dont know how i am going to survive. There is so much confusion, irritation on my mind. I dont know anymore what to do with my life. I am scared to cry again. I am scared to lose again. Why is my future so uncertain? I dont really know where i am going. Why do we have to struggle so much in life? Why cant everything be just fine?

Music Of Love

I know you are playing guitar,

To drive away your blues,

As I am writing songs here,

Songs about me and you.

Music is what connects us,

In one way or the other,

I know you are thinking of me,

Even though we are not together.

As I can hear those tunes,

Tunes of love,

Coming my way from your heart,

I know you are playing for me,

That music,

Even though we are apart.

So, I am giving words,

Words to those notes you play,

And writing Our song,

Thinking of you all night and day.

Just few more words,

And it’ll all be done,

With my eyes open,

I’ll wait for you to come.

So, just walk to me now,

And please be quick,

With strings of your guitar,

And words from my heart,

We’ll create our own music!

 

 

 

I am Over You

I don’t want you back again,

I am done with the misery,

I am done with the pain.

Those tears have dried,

It’s nothing but the rain,

Taking away the memories,

Just going down the drain.

I tried everything, whatever I could do,

Until you told me, our love wasn’t true.

And now, I’ve realized,

There’s nothing left to renew,

I’ve killed that part of me,

Yes, the one that loved you.

And now, when I’ll think of us,

I’ll never have a smile on my face,

I’ll forget those kisses,

I’ll forget your embrace.

I’ll erase your thoughts,

I’ll erase your trace.

I’ll never miss your laughter,

I’ll never miss your place.

I won’t let you hurt me now,

However hard you try,

You can crush me, you can hit me,

But you can’t make me cry.

I am a free bird now,

Wandering into the blue sky,

I don’t need you now,

I’ve got my own wings to fly.

I am over you baby,

Just don’t ask me why,

Because I’ll really meant it this time,

When I told you good bye…