Fear

/ Mona

I fear,

failure.

I fear,

losing this war,

even before, fighting it.

I fear,

never finding myself again.

I fear,

broken dreams,

false expectations.

I fear,

the unknown.

I am scared,

to see myself,

alone, lonely.

Everyday.

Every moment.

I fear.

As days are passing by, i am scared of failing again. There is no definite way. I am just walking to an unknown place. I am lost. I dont know how i am going to survive. There is so much confusion, irritation on my mind. I dont know anymore what to do with my life. I am scared to cry again. I am scared to lose again. Why is my future so uncertain? I dont really know where i am going. Why do we have to struggle so much in life? Why cant everything be just fine?

19 thoughts on “Fear”

  1. Hi Mona, times like these im reminded of a line i heard in a movie. it went – life is all about making choices and never looking back. it has helped me in those times where i have doubted my decisions. what’s done is done and cannot be undone. best would be to pick up the reins and steer life the way you want it to. if something isnt happening, make it happen. if something stands in your way, make it move. and if ur goal seems to be disappearing, u go ahead and find it.
    another thing i gather from ur words is the fear of failure that has crept in. that is nothing but ur own mind playing tricks on you. remember one thing, in this world the only person who has ur back all the time is you urself. trust urself, ur instincts, ur skills. believe in urself and the thought of failure will be gone for good.
    i hope i helped 🙂

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    • i am so unsure about my life, and there’s such competition around me that i get scared..
      thanks for the advice.. i’ll surely start working towards my goal without thinking about anything… i just hope that i dont fail this time…
      thank you..

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  3. Old failures did taught you something coz they always leave beside the feeling of losing,but also the reason for why u lost… and these always encourage to improve ourself and walk further wth more courage.. what ur saying is the nervousness youare getting into,,dnt mix it wth fear.everyone gets anxious evn the most bravest and intelligent ones.. calm your anxiety and you will win.

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  4. Hey Mona.. 🙂
    I’ve seen fear of this sort, and I remember it well. When I was in 11th, I flunked my physics exam. I was so used to acing every exam until then, my percentage never below 80..- it was the biggest shock of my life. And then I had the supplementary paper or what folks call compartment. One more chance to clear that exam- if I didn’t, I’d have to repeat the year- the very idea chilled my heart. I remember the fear very well- the days and nights I spent in tears because the stress was intolerable. I didn’t even have the courage to share my fear with my family or my friends.
    But during that month, I realized something- something that has helped me in all these years following those two months of fearful waiting. Something always happens- it goes either way- you may pass, you may fail- but you will survive. I used to keep thinking I’d die if I didn’t clear it, but would I? That was another choice for me to make- not the consequence of the result of my exam. Once I decided that I’d live my life either way, the fear dropped quite a bit- and I could actually study something.
    And guess what? I passed. 🙂
    I don’t quite know if I expressed myself well enough, or whether you will understand what I’m trying to say- but I really hope you do. Fear sucks more than sadness. :\ If you like, you could try something like meditation or something. I’ve heard it really helps with anxiety and stuff. Hope you get over it soon, and all the very best to you! 🙂
    On a side note, I don’t know if you’ve considered this, but as a reader of your blog, I see so much capability in your writing, it’s really hard for me to believe that you could fail. You’re pretty damn awesome and I think you’re going to do great. 🙂

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    • 11th is tough, seriously.. even i told my mom on the day of results that i wont come back from school today..well i didn’t fail..thankfully. Actually i was 2nd in class and my friends blasted me for that. haha
      the thing is i’ve never failed, except these entrance exams which i just couldn’t clear ever.. when i gave karnataka CET, it was easy for me but i couldnt get into medical..and i joined engineering.and from that day i have this feeling that i’ll never get what i want. i fear entrance exams.. they suck! And now i’ve this do or die situation where i’ve to get through this exam, and i am getting so anxious about it with each passing day. I know i wont die if i fail, but i cant see myself doing anything else. Its my last hope.
      I’ll try meditation, haven’t done it ever. Thanks for sharing your thoughts here.
      Thanks for your wishes.. no one ever called me pretty damn awesome ever. 😉 It feels great.. and your comment made me smile.. thanks. 🙂

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      • I do understand the feeling- that last chance, last hope. But it’s a long long life. Plenty of time to do all sorts of things. I just found this link today, while surfing. Since I actually mentioned it here today, I thought I’d share it. http://shyambhat.com/archives/1042
        Actually Dr. Shyam hosts Heartline on Radio Indigo, and I’ve been in love with his voice ever since I started listening to him. 😉 He talks really well- I listen to the show just for him. 😀
        Anyway, hope it helps with the relaxing part.. Maybe you could try it before you start studying or something. 🙂

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  5. Congrats ! You are lucky to fail before getting married. Suppose you had failed after getting married ?i

    What you have lost is a battle – not the War. Get up and fight and celebrate. Celebrate the festival of Life !

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