The Three P

Pyaar (Love)

Parivaar(Family)

Padhai(Studies)

Saala life barbad kar di hai in teeno ne. I don’t understand why these 3 things are so important in our lives.Let’s start from the first one:

Pyaar, kar liya yaar, ho gya as they say in movies, pagal thi, dimag khraab ho gya tha, kr liya. So what? zindagi bhar keeemat chukani pdegi iski. Pyaar bhi dharm, jaat dekhke krna hota h kya, is it so? the heated arguments with my mom over castes, religion, they are not gonna get me anywhere. In the end i know, i am going to lose him. And ladna bhi kiske liye, who fights with me all the time. Kisi ne sach hi kha hai, Pyaar badi hi kuttti cheej hai boss!!!

Parivaar, what can i say about them. they treat me like i am 2 years old baby. Yahan mat jana, ye mat kro, hamari family. hamara samaaj, hamara ye wo. To hell with your samaj!!! Mummy ka non- stop lecture, papa ki ummenden, Nhi krni yaar mujhe engineering, i don’t wanna do this but i have to? kyun, because mera parivaar. Have you watched that movie, Udaan, feel like that kid there, only my parents are not that cruel. I have never been to a beach you know, ever in my life, why? because, a pundit told them ki mujhe pani se khtra hai. Yes, that’s the reason and yes, i was that stupid girl who never lied, who asked them to go out even for a movie, the only thing i’ve lied about in my life is about my love life. still what do i get, Ye badi hi bigadi ladki hai. Kyun yaar??? what have i done?

Padhai, huh? no words for that, the only way to escape from everything and the toughest thing for me. man krta hai aag lga dun in kitabon mai. seriously,i am fed up, the harder i try to study, the more i feel like giving up. kis ne ye rule bnaya tha ki sabko padhna padta hai? mil jae ek baar, saala bachega nhi mere hathon.

Yes, i am frustrated. I guess you can easily guess that by now. And i am not being able to write poems these days, because there is so much on my mind. There’s fear, of failure. I am scared about the time after GATE. What reason, excuse am i gonna give? I am sure about not getting a good rank. Miracles are unreal. They won’t happen for me. What after that is a big question. and fear of losing him…I am just fed up. of my life!

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69 thoughts on “The Three P

  1. Mona… It comes and goes… these frustrations… trust me I know… just take a short teeny tiny break, refresh yourself, how? That’s for you to decide… as for me… I used to close my books for one day… just relaxed for a day, mostly by watching TV and at the evening I used to sit down with only syllabus and a plain paper… I used to make a time table not hour-wise but like this (Morning 10-12 => page 229 to page 279) ,like this I used to plan for the next 7 days and then a while before I went to sleep I just arranged the study materials, a rough copy and a pen just at my bedside table and until sleep came I used to think about just the lesson I was about to study next morning, if I could remember any… then sleep took over…..

    But that was just my way of dealing with these frustrations and “Oh I can’t study” phase … so you can try that for only one day or make something your own. πŸ™‚

    It happens, I know and it’ll pass. I have been through this. Trust me. Keep faith and be bold (which you already are πŸ™‚ )

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  2. Please don’t spoil the beauty of life due to frustrations . Believe in your god . god has only 3 answers to your wishes – yes , wait – you’ll get it in the right time & i’ve got a better plan for you . He never says no . Live your life to the fullest and most importantly, believe in yourself . Best wishes sis….

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    • He has only said no to me.. you know there was i time, i used to pray, everyday,i used to talk to God. I had hope, but everytime he just gave me situations i never wanted to deal with. I don’t talk to him anymore. I feel i’ve lost him, like he never care about me. I want to find my God again. Maybe then, life would be better.

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  3. Must have been a very weak moment when you wrote this. Lets take each P one by one,shall we πŸ™‚
    P1- I guess, at some level, you always knew it was never going to be easy. This entity that everyone keeps quoting, society, I wanted to meet myself in my ‘days’. Pata nahin kaun hai. Supposedly they decide everything for me and if they take my brain out, it would still be good enough, because society will be taking my decisions anyway πŸ˜› So what I say is this: There always is, hope. cling on to it πŸ™‚
    P2- I guess they tell you right from begining that its the family that comes first. I happen to think otherwise though. Fine, I will take care of my parents but conforming to every sermon of theirs is not my thing to be. Drew that line way back when I was having the same little trouble that you are having these days. You have to do the same someday, else you will be the photocopy of someone else’s life.
    P3- No one can help you there πŸ˜€ . Of the friends who appeared for GATE, I know of someone who never studied a bit but kept her head cool during the examination hours. So… there is always that chance. And, to quote The Romans 8:31 (Holy Bible) : “If God be for us, who can be against us”.
    Hold on.

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    • Yes, it was. There was no one i could talk to about it and so i wrote it all here.
      Society, my parents live for society more than they live for themselves or their kids. Har cheej dikhawa hai is duniya mai.
      Family comes first, more than your own life. That’s what my mom keeps telling me. I am called a rebel if i do anything against them. That’s what i say, i am not you. I am ME, but who’s gonna listen?
      I don’t know about God you know, i am wasting my time, and i know he’s never gonna be by my side. It has been like this. Jab mai khin bhi jane ki sochti hun wo mujhe ulte direction mai dhakka maar deta hai!Miracles are not for me.

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  4. Same here dear! Only the first one is diff….cauz I love writing and my parentz? same story dat wid u. ENGENIEERING! meko to uski sahi sahi spelling bhi ni aati. 😦 I cant study thosse bulls*** terms and theories…I cant! Man!

    If it was just “my” life!
    Why dont they understand? So many questions, but no one to answer….

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      • True, but thats called the art of life, to live your life keeping and caring for others!
        We need to get positive to live, right?

        And well, we believe that our future is already planned, so why not make the best of everything?

        And mark my words, CHANGE WILL COME.
        We will we “actually” free, some day, one day! πŸ˜€

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  5. Yeah, life gets tough sometimes- I know this. I understand the pressure. I understand the exhaustion that comes from fighting it all the time. Fighting is difficult, it’s irritating, but if we want something, it becomes inevitable.
    Fighting with your guy- I don’t know what kind of fighting. But if you’re sure it’s pyaar (on both sides) then don’t worry about it. Sometimes fights aren’t so bad as long as you’re sure you won’t let go. And as long as you’re still listening to each other..
    Fighting with parivaar is the toughest thing in the world, isn’t it? But eventually they will agree. Never stop believing in that- or you might not find the strength to keep fighting. My mantra when I’m fighting my family is – This too shall pass. You can use it, if you like. πŸ™‚
    But fighting for padhai may well be the most important right now. It’s important because it will give you liberty and power and the strength to go after the other things you want. It’s tough as hell, I know, but keep at it, sweetie. Don’t give in to fear, don’t crack under the pressure. Just keep your head clear- you’ll get through this. You can do it. I’m sure you can do it.
    All the best! πŸ™‚ πŸ™‚
    *Hugs*

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    • Fighting, god.. what can i say, fighting with your love, your family, your society and yourself, it is damn irritating.
      Fighting with my guy, it happens all the time. It is pyaar on both sides but there is frustration too, in his life, in mine. That’s not something i am afraid of, i am afraid of the battle against the society and of the feeling of letting him go, once we lose this fight.
      Fighting with our own people, it is really hard. Sometimes i feel so bad for being so harsh to them but they don’t understand. They are right in their place but i am also right in my views but what can we do.
      Padhai is the toughest part in this fight, because i know its really hard to concentrate for me, but i’ve to because i’ve to because its the only way i can escape out. Sometimes i feel like that little boy in Taare Zameen Par.

      This too shall pass- this is what i believe in.
      Thanks for the wishes. πŸ™‚

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  6. Can you do me a favour ? Write one post for the things you appreciate in your life – may be your writing skills , may be your blog followers who wish your best and so on… maybe that will put things in a better perspective. And with “A’s” case , keep this in mind – its you who decide your fate. Not him , not your family . Where there’s a will, there’s a way . Act wise … And yeah good luck with your gate score πŸ™‚

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  7. Pseudomonaz. You write beautiful haiku. Please take a few minutes to understand more about your skill. About how haiku is real meditative poetry. Please take those tiny minutes to focus everything on that haiku. Nothing else. I promise you from what you create will come a moment’s peace and a new perspective. Use haiku when a long poem feels too much. You gave so much in so few words last time. Publish when it is ready, so it can be treasured like a pearl of words.

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    • I’ve started liking it now.. first time it was a challenge, now it feels like a hobby.. lately i wasn’t been able to write anything due to various reasons but i do think of writing haiku, as it really feels great when i come out with a new one. Thank you for making me realise that i can write it too..

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      • the history of haiku goes back many, many years. Basho, one of the first of the craft, devoted his life to haiku. You are made of the same insight and understanding. You have that ‘innate sense”. Please do. Just focus on the haiku every now and then. Little books of haiku, sometimes made from banana paper or other, sometimes with images too are very popular at some times through the year. Rightly so.

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  8. πŸ™‚ πŸ™‚ πŸ™‚
    My dear friend…..i have been there…the family overprotectiveness thing….and doctor bano doctor bano…Lol… (but i guess somewhere i also wanted this profession).
    I identify so much with what you have written….and in such a bindas, bad-ass, naughty way. Amusing. πŸ™‚ You made me smile so much. Kudos!!!

    Don’t worry…..life in itself is an exam…passing or not passing a few doesn’t make much difference.

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    • everyone here goes through it right??? well i wanted to be a doctor, i coudn’t get a rank good enough for that..
      Glad that you liked it..i was really frustrated, so i wrote whatever came into my mind!

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  9. I can so relate to what you have written there, every bit of your writing and I would recheck if it’s you and not writing my story. So similar. I so agree with what the “Pflead’ guy said, Include the fourth P in your life and you’ll see a lot better Mona. Gimme your email Id I’ll send you a few other things which is helping me a lot through these crappy phases, I am sure it’ll help you too.
    and if possible , if it’s not too much to ask for, add the fifth P.
    P being PRAYER here πŸ™‚
    Peace πŸ™‚

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  10. “i was that stupid girl who never lied, who asked them to go out even for a movie”
    You are not ‘stupid’, you are sensible πŸ™‚
    And it will be alright. Have faith in yourself. keep going strong. If not GATE, something else. Follow ur dreams. Your parents are never going to stop you for that. πŸ™‚

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  11. Why don’t you try talking this out to your parents peacefully?
    Maybe they’ll give you a bit of space, even if its gonna for a while or so, wont that be enough?
    xoxo. (:

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  12. At JNU the 3 Ps are Padaai Politics Pyaar in that order only πŸ˜‰
    Jisme interest nahi hai usme miracles nahi hote… U r already labelled a rebel when u have done no real rebelling… surf the internet, look for courses that u r interested, fill forms for entrance exams like that of JNU, where the tuition fees is just 3000 rs per year. Prepare and succeed where ur heart is.. Confusion and frustrations are just phases to be overcome

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    • I’ve a different point of view, i feel miracles usi mai hote hain jisme interest nhi hota. Jo kaam hum man se krte hain, that is our passion, and if we succeed in that then it is a rsult of our hard work, though it may seem lke a miracle to everyone around us, but we would know that’s not actially our luck but our passionate work that has paid of.
      Lets see what’s in store for me, right now i can only hope to get out of here, so that i can find my passion.

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