What Does My Horoscope Say?

My parents and all the other elder members in my family firmly believe in horoscopes or kundali as we say it in Hindi. The first step in finding a match for a person in my family is to

match their horoscope with the prospective bride/groom. The perfect matching of the horoscope is a must for any marriage to take place. Marriage is not the only occasion where horoscopes are considered, in fact they play a vital role in almost every occasion in our lives, right from birth to death. Therefore, whenever anyone in the family faces any problem in life, relatives start suggesting astrologers who can find solutions to those problems or can read our entire future.

Owing to my current situation( no college, no job) my mom decided to show my horoscope to one of these astrologers who is also a close relative of ours. Now he is a really renowned astrologer who even have contacts with The Ekta Kapoor and his entire television clan. Though he doesn’t practice astrology on a regular basis, people say he’s blessed with a vast amount of knowledge.

Following are the top five predictions he made about my life and mine and my family’s reaction to each one of them. My reactions are obviously within my mind.

Prediction 1: She’s very lucky.

Family: See, you are lucky, you’ll definitely get through this exam. Now, don’t cry saying that you are unlucky. God has blessed you with luck.

Me: Let’s get out of here. He doesn’t know anything. The first prediction itself is wrong.

Prediction 2: She’s very short tempered. But its not her fault. Its all because of the planet Mars that is residing within her kundali. Make her wear a ring of red coral and everything will be fine.

Family: Don’t we need to do any pooja. A ring would do or anything else. We are fed up of her rebellious behaviour.

Me: Right, me having Mars in my horoscope makes me rebellious. Whatever you say! At least i’ll get a ring. 😉 He’s not even that bad.

Prediction 3: She’ll go abroad to do her PhD, most probably to a country whose name starts with C. I am very sure about this one. Change my name if this doesn’t happen.

Family: Must be Canada. What are the other countries with C, China, Cuba, Cambodia…. the list goes on!

Me: Bhai PG krne k liye itni phati padi hai, tu mujhe doctorate karwa le!! x-( Which name would you prefer, Champu ya Chirkut, tell me that?

Prediction 4: She’ll do something that no one is our family has ever done.

Family: She’s definitely gonna kill someone. With this temper of hers that is the only thing she can do. She’ll ruin our name someday.

Me: OMG! Does he know of my plan to elope and get married. I am dead. Hide me some where. 😦

Prediction 5: She’ll prove to be a great wife and an ideal daughter in law.

Family: hahahaha…hohohoho..can’t control. Omg.. hahahaha

Me: No comments!!! ( Beizzati ki bhi had hoti hai yaar)

This is it. I don’t know how many of these predictions will actually come true. I don’t really believe that someone can predict our future, that too by seeing our horoscopes. And in case these predictions do come true someday, you can contact me to get our astrologer’s number. I’ll be happy to help! 🙂

source:google images