Being Unhappy

Its been a long time, a really long time since i was happy. I’ve been at home for almost 9 months now, a time enough for a baby to develop, but i am stuck at a place. I am living a stagnant life. If you put aside my trips to hospitals, i’ve never really been to any place. I’ve not met anyone in these 9 months, no friends, no new person, absolutely no one except my siblings sometimes. I had decided not to write about my life here, but sometime s i just can’t help it. I’ve to let it out. Its not that i am living a sad life, no its not like that, i am  actually living a royal life. I mean i get up at 11 am each morning, i eat, i drink, i watch TV, i stroll in my garden,pick up fresh vegetables, and that’s it. But this is not the way to live for a 22 year old young girl, who has passed out of college 9 months ago. Its not that i am gloomy or anything, but i am unhappy. Yes, that’s the thing, i am just unhappy.

Its like i am stuck at one place while the world is busy walking ahead. And i’ve no one to share my feelings with. There is no one to guide me. I am just alone. And the people in my life are themselves unhappy. An ailing mother who is more worried about my career than her life, i can’t share my fears with her, she might die tomorrow and i would regret everything i said. A big brother, who has everything in his life, job, education,life partner but is unhappy with something which i’ve no idea about. A sister, who is married so i can’t bug her with my problems. Friends who have jobs, money or are in colleges,yet they call me to cry about their life. What am i supposed to do? What’s the use of crying in front of those people who are themselves in agony!

Its like the world itself is unhappy. Lately i’ve come to realise that there is no such thing called happiness. I wonder where has all the happiness gone. People have a secure career, they are earning huge sums of money, they are in a steady relationship, they have a healthy family, a secure future and yet they demand more. Why are we humans so greedy? Why can’t we be satisfied with what we have? Every time i try sharing my problems with a person, he/she makes me realize that my problems are nothing in front of the problems they have to face. And instead of finding a solution to my miseries, i start worrying about them.

I’ve made mistakes, but may be those mistakes were the only way for me to move ahead. But this time, i am stuck. I can’t see a way out. I am just waiting, and i don’t even know what am i waiting for. Truly speaking its been 7 years, and i am still waiting, for that true happiness, the one when we are truly happy from the heart.

Is this life? Is this how it is supposed to be?

What do you think? What should I do?

Here’s the song in my mind right now:

Thehri si sehmi si hai zindagi udne do
Behti nadi se thodi si nami chunne do
Khamosi sunne do
Khwabon ko bunne do
Hatheliyon pe likhi daastan badalne do…

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21 thoughts on “Being Unhappy

  1. I understand the feeling when your life gets stagnant. You can’t move ahead and the past makes you feel worse about the present. We both are going through the same phase now. The only difference is that you are at home, among your people while I have to live in a hostel. What I do most of the times is to get into a lot of reading. Also, if you like watching sitcoms, go ahead pick any one, you will surely get addicted. I do not know how relevant or helpful this might turn out for you, but I want you to know that there is no point at all in worrying about people who have left you, they will take care of themselves. You should worry about yourself, your career and your life, how you want it to be. You have time, do not let it away. 10 years down the line, who knows life might not give you a second chance to make amends. And we are just 22, I am hopeful we will find everything we are looking for. Money, love, peace and happiness. We just need to work for it. 😀

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    • Oh how i wish to be in a hostel. Trust me you are gonna miss it a lot. 😦 That’s what it is you know, we want the things we can’t have.
      I do read, but the things i don’t like, i mean my textbooks. 🙂
      Hope is what we have. I wish this time passes soon and we can live the life we want to. if not everything, at least something. 🙂

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  2. I wish I could tell you something that would make you feel better. I don’t know whether it will, but hear this – things get better. I’ve been you and I know exactly how you feel. Once you get a job everythign else will start comign right too. But I agree with you – us people are greedy. I try not to complain much, I really shouldn’t, because I remember how tough life used to be for me. And yes you are too young to get depressed, so don’t.

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  3. Well you are going to hate me after I say what I am going to. Firstly we all are unhappy, the most smiling face and also the most frowning one. We are not greedy people, we don’t want more but we are filled with things we don’t want so we try to get more hoping that we will hit something that we want by chance.
    Talking about happiness, it is instantaneous. You will get only moments of it not chunks. So the aim is not true happiness but true freedom. Feel the reality of your situation and think if you were free to do anything what would you do. Do give a thought.
    Regarding sharing your problems, I think it is better not to share because everyone has their problems, everyone feels violated.
    Lastly don’t lose yourself in sitcoms and other such things. She is right it becomes an addiction, and addiction i s again slavery not freedom. It will again push you on a path to a deeper kind of unhappiness.
    Damn! I should have written a blog post not a comment! :p

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    • This post of mine is the result of that post of yours in which i commented. It was only after reading it, i started writing this. 🙂
      And you are right, we only get happy moments not a happy life. But the problem is presently i am not getting any such moments. Trust me i just need a way, after that i am not gonna complain.
      Sitcoms are not for me. My mom won’t let me watch any. 😉 And yes, they are truly addictive. And such imaginary stories will only make me feel more miserable.
      You had already written the post. Thanks for the comment. And You’ve got me thinking. I am gonna write a post about ” If you are free to do anything, what would you do?” Coming up soon. Thanks for the idea.

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  4. Hey, this one is indeed a negative post. Personally, I never appreciate such stuffs.
    Be positive in life. Everyone goes with the phase you are going through. Your brother, sister, mother and everyone has been through it, but they did succeed. Right?

    Don’t be negative year. I know you must have tried being that, but try once again.
    Listen to this awesome song:

    ” Yaaro jee bhar ke jee le pal
    Lagta hai aaj kal
    Daur apna aayega
    Yaaro jo khud pe ho yakeen
    Toh zindagi haseen
    Tujhe kal bulayega

    Yaaro jee bhar ke jee le pal
    Lagta hai aaj kal
    Daur apna aayega
    Yaaro jo khud pe ho yakeen
    Toh zindagi haseen
    Tujhe kal bulayega
    (Hai junoon oooooonnnnn
    Hai junoon sa jeene mein
    (Hai junoon sa jeene mein)
    Hai junoon oooooonnnnn
    Hai junoon sa seene mein )”

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  5. Dear, Here in India you have an ancient spiritual tradition. We suffer because we believe our thoughts, we don’t realize that inside of us is a rich, rich treasure – the true happiness. The outer world will never bring a real lasting peace or happiness. You are young, full of potential – your heart is bursting to open. Don’t let others dictate your happiness, your joy – turn your mind within and you will be amazed how life will respond. You might read some spiritual books, attend a yoga class, move, go for walks – sometimes just being physical will move that stuck energy. And really, you are loved, truly, even though you may not feel so at times. shanti……kai

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      • Meditation is often misunderstood – it really is just a pull back from distractions, including thoughts and emotions to settle deeper into an inner silence. It may take some effort until it becomes effortless, but eventually the thoughts do die down, and an inner peace and clarity will shine. A love not based on desire or expectation, the love that we actually ARE in our core, is freed. Then life is very beautiful indeed! Don’t worry, any desire for freedom, for Truth, for living a peaceful life will in itself attract to you people and circumstances to support that wish. All the best, in peace, kai

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  6. Everyone goes through such a phase and Iam sure you will come out of it soon.Just a wish and a will to let it happen shall make wonders.Look around you and see the beauty you have within you and surrounding you,for such moments of solitude are rarely achieved. These moments will always be the one in life which will guide you through your tough times,make them beautiful by cherishing each and every moment be it caring for your mother, observing your brother’s concern worry or anything else. Observing and dwelling on things are the best lessons learnt which give a sense of satisfaction that you did learn something new,which is yet unknown to others and shall always strive to be perfect in case you are in such a situation.
    do the things you like,talk to the ones who are selfless ,even if they are strangers, write what you feel, draw when u can,paint when you miss colours, sing when u are sad, walk into the lap of nature when u feel alone. you will succeed.

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    • I am trying all these things Soumya. Its just that sometimes i just can’t keep it within myself, i’ve to let it out and i end up writing about it here. Writing heels me to an extent. Thank you for all your suggestions. Bloggers never let me feel alone. Thanks. 🙂

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  7. I love your new blog layout! It is so cheerful and lovely. As for your current situation, I’m so sorry you feel this way *hugs*. I really hope blogging provides a much needed creative outlet for all the frustration you are feeling! I think the best part of hitting rock bottom is that the only way to go from there, is UP! Don’t lose hope, annoying as it sounds, the best is always yet to come and until then you have all your blogger friends to keep you company 🙂

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    • I love this new theme too. 🙂
      Writing helps me a lot, its the only way i can let it all out. And i’ve found great friends here in the blogging world.
      I am waiting as i said, i do hope to find what is meant for me. Thanks for stopping by. I just love the way you write.

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  8. I heard a visionary leader last month addressing youth of his nation, he mentioned how he converted challenges into opportunities. You have FREE TIME, in this busy world it is considered as an asset. It all depends how you use it. You can use to Educate, entertain (yourself) or socialize. Hope you find creative ways to keep yourself engaged. There is always light at the end of the tunnel.

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