Making A Choice- Love or Family???

Recently I saw an advertisement in a newspaper about the upcoming sale in a jewellery store. I asked my dad to check out the advertisement, you know in case he wanted to make some jewellery for me, he could do that in cheaper rates. I was actually fooling around but my dad took the advice rather seriously. He declared that he has gone bankrupt after the marriage of my siblings and has nothing left for me. He then said that I should find a suitable guy myself and he’ll only come to the wedding to bless me.

OKAY, my dad said this. I mean MY DAD!!!!

To find a guy myself- matlab a love marriage!!!

I pinched myself just to make sure that it wasn’t a dream.

It wasn’t. He said that for real.

I asked him again, ” Are you serious?”

And he said, “Yes.”

Just when I was busy imagining my till-that-moment-almost-impossible wedding, my dad said, ” But…

(Here comes the BUT in between)


– He must be a Brahmin.

– Just not a Brahmin, but a Kumauni Brahmin. Brahmins from other regions are not allowed.

– He must not be from our Gotra.

– Our horoscopes must match and for that,

-He must be a manglik.

Lo, Ho gayi meri shadi!!!

Matlab what am I supposed to do? If ever i find a guy, am I supposed to give him an application form, listing the eligibility criteria for falling in love with me? I’ve heard about family planning, Now am I supposed to do love planning? And can love be planned? Isn’t it supposed to be a coincidence, a mutual acceptance of one’s assets and faults?

Does the matching of caste,color,creed,class or planets guarantee a successful marriage? I don’t think so. I am not a pro in the subjects as crucial as marriage but i do know that love, understanding, and mutual respect are essential for any relationship to succeed. Unfortunately many Indian parents fail to match these aspects.

I am myself in a relationship with a guy from another caste. We are too young to think about marriage but we do hope to spend our lives together if our relationship succeeds. But for that to happen I’ll have to make a choice and by far I am not strong enough to choose him. And I don’t know if I’ll ever have the strength to do that.

All my close friends were in relationship with guys who either belonged to different castes, region,religions or same gotra, blame it on our education, our so called modern beliefs, the freedom we got or whatever. But eventually they all gave up, some tried, some remained mum. Almost no one among us, decided to fight for love. Is it because our love wasn’t strong enough or are we all a bunch of cowards?

Would you sacrifice your love for your family?

What would you do if you’ve to make a choice?

[ While trying to write a funny post I ended up getting all serious about it. Why can’t I Laugh over Love? To compensate for that, I am adding the following pictures ]

True Story!!!
True Story!!!
Not Quite sure about that!!!
Not Quite sure about that!!!

28 thoughts on “Making A Choice- Love or Family???

  1. Mona , It’s simple. love marriage means he/she marrying to loved ones and arranged marriage means you are marrying to someone who loved other 😦 . don’t worry iam sure time do change and at last your father will agree to your decision.


  2. This post struck a chord with a lot of people-so kudos for connecting!

    Firstly, it is a mindset, it is not going to change so soon. People believe that being from the same community will bring a lot of common ground to the marriage, which is not wrong.
    But you already know that- I read the post you wrote in favor of arranged marriage and I loved how you can take on both sides of the argument without bashing either.

    But at the same time the impracticality of it, in such a global environment, makes me wonder. You have before and will continue to travel outside of your hometown for studies and work. It is evident that you will meet people outside of your caste and creed when that happens. So it is almost unfair for them to expect you to marry within your community.
    But to each his own and at the end of the day, no parents puts this demand with ill in their mind. They mean well, they wish well. 🙂


  3. May be its the generation gap which speaks, as such when we get old and when our son/daughter bring the same issues, we won’t have such problem because we have already seen it and faced it and on that it will become a normal tendency later on.. But for now, our elders haven’t seen such huge changes that we are seeing and due to which still those caste/creed system exists.. But as days passes on, there will be a change and who knows you might be quiet lucky enough that one day your dad accepts your proposal… 😉


  4. You can never be sure that the decision you are about to take is correct or not. You have to go by your gut feeling and take the responsibility of whatever happens.


  5. Really it was funny initially. But as I read the other half of it, it made me think about my relation and our future. M not gonna give up so easily without trying. But we can’t go against our parents. 😦


  6. Atleast you don’t have the profession bar.. I gotta make sure the guy is a doctor 😦 Plus there is this weird misconception that med school is like a matrimonial heaven. I have my relatives ask me “koi mila kya?” or “tumne to dhund hi lia hoga” every time they see me 😡
    Still there is one thing I know, I will never go against my parents’ decision no matter what.I guess it is instilled in us since the day we are born.


    • Oh god!!! Even professional matching is reuired. Well best of luck for that.
      Haha..I am lucky in that part, even if i openly tell my family members that i have a boyfriend they won’t believe me. And this thing hurts me, that they believe so much in me.


  7. well its hard decision to make , but the post is really funny ,I laughed at this line : “OKAY, my dad said this. I mean MY DAD!!!!”


  8. My sister fools around with my mother (almost on a daily basis.) that I’ll someday bring someone home announcing “lo, here’s your daughter in law!” 😛 And if the discussion gets serious, my dad jumps in saying “I’ll let him choose his bride”. Yet, unspoken, I hear the BUT.

    My parents know that I’m stubborn, I’d probably be able to convince my parents when the time comes. But anyway, I’ll have to face it. And yes,

    It happens only in India


    • My elder brother behaves same way as your sister. He warns my parents that I am gonna run away some day.
      In situations like these you have to choose between giving up or to fight for it. I am glad to know that you are ready to face the challenge. If any day the same situation arises for you, I wish you loads of good luck. Thanks for being here.


  9. It’s very simple…
    When it’s a man choosing his mum over his love, it means he was passing time and using her. When it’s a girl choosing her parents over her love, then it means her love was not true enough.
    End of day, it takes two people who really want to stay together, to persist against all odds, and take a stand for being together. Otherwise, it’s all sham.


    • It is indeed very simple. I mean all of us are actually a bunch of cowards. Because we don’t have the guts to accept our love in front of the world.
      I must be strong enough to accept that I am not suitable to be in love because my love is nothing but a timepass.


  10. One can never be sure about the right thing to do. And sometimes, as much as I hate to admit it, parents do know better. SOMETIMES. Otherwise, they can be irrational and close minded. Listen to your heart and you will know what to do. Khush raho. Best of luck! 🙂


    • Sometimes parents behave illogocally. I don’t understand their problem about castes and religions. I wish they knew the importance od humanity more.
      Thank you for your kind wishes. 🙂


  11. Are you serious? Those many conditions? 😮 I mean I know he’s from a different caste but even if he was from the same caste, to make sure he ticks off that long a list of additional criteria leaves me at a loss for words. Amazing.


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