I am on my way to Lucknow right now and I am writing this post while sitting on the 22nd seat of the AC coach of Nainital Express. This is the first time I am writing something while travelling, I mean writing something online. I have written diary entries while travelling by flights,but I am writing a post on a train for the first time. My brother stays in Lucknow and we are going to his place. To be honest, I don’t really want to go there. Something about our relatioship changed since the day he got married. We had fights, really nasty ones and he said something which i really can’t forget ever in my life. Some words inflict wounds that can never be healed and even if they do, they leave permanent scars. I’ll write about it someday. I am presently not in a state of mind to write further about it. Well, going to Lucknow is important because my flight tickets to Bangalore are from Lucknow. I am going to Bangalore on 7th April, and I’ll be there for 4 days. It might be the last time I’ll be in Bangalore, and that’s why I am gonna enjoy every second of my stay, reliving old memories, and doing things I couldn’t do in these 10 months. My trip to Bangalore is the only thing that is keeping me sane right now, but in a corner of mind I am a little sad about it. Sad because I don’t know if I’ll get a chance to go back there ever again. I’ve spent 7 years of my life there and I’ve literally grown up there. And now it seems like a final goodbye to that place.
Every problem in my life is due to the fact that I get too attached to people, places and even things. The attachment turns into madness and I am never able to let go of anything. My conflicts with my brother and my fear of leaving Bangalore forever is because of this very fact that I just can’t get over my past. I just can’t bear these changes in my life. I want to be the water of a stagnant pond but my life is like the flowing water of a river, always moving ahead. I want to stay at a place, live with the same set of people, make the same kind of memories but life is just not like that. Life is changing, each day, each moment. Why is it so hard for me to accept those changes and move on with my life. Why is it so difficult for me to grow up? Why do I still want to be a kid? I don’t know.
May be I’ll learn everything with time. May be we all learn to live life with time, some earlier and some later.
As of now, I’ve learned that acceptance is the key to happiness. And I am gonna apply this rule to my life.
Signing off with a quote from one of my favourite books, Memoirs of a Geisha,
“Now I know that our world is no more permanent than a wave rising on the ocean. Whatever our struggles and triumphs, however we may suffer them, all too soon they bleed into a wash, just like watery ink on paper.”