I am on my way to Lucknow right now and I am writing this post while sitting on the 22nd seat of the AC coach of Nainital Express. This is the first time I am writing something while travelling, I mean writing something online. I have written diary entries while travelling by flights,but I am writing a post on a train for the first time. My brother stays in Lucknow and we are going to his place. To be honest, I don’t really want to go there. Something about our relatioship changed since the day he got married. We had fights, really nasty ones and he said something which i really can’t forget ever in my life. Some words inflict wounds that can never be healed and even if they do, they leave permanent scars. I’ll write about it someday. I am presently not in a state of mind to write further about it. Well, going to Lucknow is important because my flight tickets to Bangalore are from Lucknow. I am going to Bangalore on 7th April, and I’ll be there for 4 days. It might be the last time I’ll be in Bangalore, and that’s why I am gonna enjoy every second of my stay, reliving old memories, and doing things I couldn’t do in these 10 months. My trip to Bangalore is the only thing that is keeping me sane right now, but in a corner of mind I am a little sad about it. Sad because I don’t know if I’ll get a chance to go back there ever again. I’ve spent 7 years of my life there and I’ve literally grown up there. And now it seems like a final goodbye to that place.
Every problem in my life is due to the fact that I get too attached to people, places and even things. The attachment turns into madness and I am never able to let go of anything. My conflicts with my brother and my fear of leaving Bangalore forever is because of this very fact that I just can’t get over my past. I just can’t bear these changes in my life. I want to be the water of a stagnant pond but my life is like the flowing water of a river, always moving ahead. I want to stay at a place, live with the same set of people, make the same kind of memories but life is just not like that. Life is changing, each day, each moment. Why is it so hard for me to accept those changes and move on with my life. Why is it so difficult for me to grow up? Why do I still want to be a kid? I don’t know.
May be I’ll learn everything with time. May be we all learn to live life with time, some earlier and some later.
As of now, I’ve learned that acceptance is the key to happiness. And I am gonna apply this rule to my life.
Signing off with a quote from one of my favourite books, Memoirs of a Geisha,
“Now I know that our world is no more permanent than a wave rising on the ocean. Whatever our struggles and triumphs, however we may suffer them, all too soon they bleed into a wash, just like watery ink on paper.”
PSEUDOMONAZ 
Excellent post…..
Amd i feel I’m like you. I never forget.
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Sad to know about you and your bro… but you need to carry on with things as CHANGE IS THE ONLY CONSTANT THING IN LIFE! n that’s a bitter but universal truth. I may sound you preaching things but if you can try to make things better between you and your bro, possibilities are there that you may get some peace somewhere deep in your heart n mind. Believe me, peace at your home brings peace in you! Wherever you go, whatever you achieve, but if you ain’t happy with your family or having some tough time with them, nothing will make you happy. My advice- sort it out and you’ll feel the difference.
Getting used to of things in your life is absolutely fine but don’t get obsessed with them. Life, as u quoted, is like flowing water.. yes it is like flowing water of river. Stagnant water doesn’t serve any purpose but people love to see n feel the flowing water. Stagnant life will not take you any where but it’s the flow which keeps your life moving, making you feel human. And life is full of colors, it’s only few colors you have discovered till this age; there are lot many colors waiting for you to discover.
Go explore the world n be happy… Take Care, All the very best for all your future endeavors. God bless u… 🙂
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Being happy in a family is really important. May be I was wrong somewhere but i never meant any harm. I don’t know why i expect people to behave the way i do with them. But with time, priorities change. May be its just a matter of time till i get busy and life will come on track for me too and I won’t depend on people so much.
Thanks for a great advice.
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Good that you realize what you did and what you have to do. Expecting from others is a normal human tendency, so don’t blame yourself. It happens with everyone, even with me. Just try not to expect too much from everyone (though tough, but we gotta do it :() As you correctly said, with time once you get enough of work, may be things will come into shape; till then try to make things better because once you’ll come into corporate, you’ll regret about the lost opportunity of making things better. So make the most of it and enjoy! All the best for your B’lore trip! 🙂
God bless you TC
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Most people in this world wish to have a life with no changes but that isn’t the way of life right? We just have to bear the changes, reminisce the past and move on.
I hope everything gets alright between ur brother and u.. Have an awesome stay in Bangalore. 🙂 I hope this won’t be ur last visit and u get to come back.
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I know, we all have to go through changes. I am still on the learning path.
Thanks for the wishes. I hope to live these 4 days to the fullest.
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I admire your honesty, but really, you are going to be one possessive wife 😀 Good luck to your husband 🙂
On a serious note, I guess in a way, we all get attached with things in our life. And acceptance of change is never easy. But then, there never is a choice.
Try, that is all I can say, because that is what works out sooner or later 🙂
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Haha…I know that. I pity that guy already.
Acceptance is never easy but I am getting used to all these changes slowly. I am trying a lot to be less sensitive about these issues. And I hope it’ll work out for me too.
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You are young, and I am sure you can reprogram a thing or two- not that I think they are necessary, but just that, there are things that one can do to make life easy you know. Its not a bad thing to be sensitive about people, but in the long run, it is not going to be something that you will be proud of. So… choose what you want to be sensitive about 🙂 I am working on this project myself.
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I wish life was easy. Isn’t it supposed to be complicated? Well, for me it is, even though i don’t do anything right now. Its an intricately woven network, of bad choices, relationships,destiny, tragedies and everything else. I don’t know how to choose, i suck at decision making. I am still a learner.
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First things first. Its not that you do not DO ANYTHING as such. You are preparing for something ahead, and that is no mean achievement either 🙂
Secondly, I quite agree with you over the network of bad choices. It rightly is so. But you know something interesting, and I have been meaning to talk about it on my blog for quite some time. I am amazed by the number of substantiations I am getting vis-a-vis the theory which says that we finally come to get what we truly deserve.
Would be interesting to know what someone as young as you thinks on this ? I am old, seasoned and well… battered. So my opinions are pretty much on the face, but I am quite interested in knowing what someone from your age strata thinks about this.
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Well, i am actually not doing anything. After giving GATE i stopped studying, biotech took a back seat and i thought of giving it up and start reading for Bank, or govt jobs. And that sucked, I am just not that girl who could work for banks. And then surprisingly i qualified GATE and was brought again to the same path. Interestingly, i never wanted to do this. I wanted to be a doctor, and i was so close to fulfilling my dream, i almost touched it you know and it flew out of my hands. A girl just a rank more than me got the seat when I was about to sign it up during counselling. From that day the world conspired to get me into biotech. I tried to run away, but i just couldn’t .It was the only door left opened in front of me. The reason i told you this story is to answer your question. I don’t know if i deserved this but i think i was destined to be here.And I’ve started liking it.I knew that i would have sucked in medical with my tendency to study on the last day, and my impatient nature. And I’ve done some pretty good things in college, a project that literally gave me a hope that I can hark hard. I’ve this desire to win, and my destiny helps me, even though i feel i am unlucky, it pushes me to areas i love exploring. I don’t get what i want but i get what i need. I never truly believed in this, but i am beginning to. The decisions we take, even the bad ones they define us, they make us what we are supposed to be.
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Well “wants” are impulsive, lack vision and are based pretty much on the spur-of-the-moment. “Needs”, are those that last for quite some time. We think over it, we work for it over prolonged period of time and it is something that stays with us being a part of our personality.
I can totally relate with your craving for medical profession. I thought I liked literature too, when I was 12th- and that engineering was not my cup of tea. I barely knew english then and wanted to see world through the eyes of Whitman, Frost and likes. Somehow, maybe because I had a good IQ or something, I landed up into engineering- only to realise that being an engineer gives me a better understanding of things. Might not have been so if would have gone for literature back then. So, you already know my personal stand on this 🙂
You should read Cloud Atlas. Trust me, you will find a lot of your answers there 🙂 However, for some creepy reason, I don’t think you will… 🙂
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I wanted to be a doctor for some stupid, strange, faltu reasons, but I was obsessed with that dream of mine. I just couldn’t get out of it. I took viotech because I thought it to be related to medical which was a mistake, but that was not the only reason. I was kinda pushed to it. To think of wishes, I want to write, but I can’t because I haven’t read anything, my language is not good enough. I am not a gifted writer, I want to learn this art but that’s just not gonna be true. But I am good at Engineering, even though i practically hate it. I do enjoy working, research but the education system doesn’t let me enter it unless i pass these ratta maro exams.
Cloud Atlas, just googled it. Bada complicated lag rha hai. Can I watch the movie instead? I know I’ll never find my answers, because I don’t know my questions yet.
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It definitely is a complicated book- but you will love it while you are at it. The movie is equally, if not more, intriguing. But one watch might not be enough…I am a big fan of Wachowskis by the way.
I think you are too young to settle with what you actually want to do in the long run. I mean sure, some decide it when they are 10, but lets face it we are normal people. So even if it takes some time, its quite alright. Maybe you will find your solace in something after some time. That is the way I knew what is it that I want to be… And, exposure of diverse fields ( engineering, interest in medical and writing ) is an asset.
I absolutely adore people who go beyond their home turf.
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Pseudomonaz.. Jeena isi ka naam hai. People come, people change, people go – and life moves on. I would like to wish you best of luck in the future endeavors. Why hold on to what happened in the past. And yes, you become what you are – shaped by your experiences. These memories are going to be a part of you – and good or bad – they define you. Accept them, befriend them, laugh at them. And you will see the difference !! 🙂
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That was so rightfully said. These memories define me, they have made me what I am today. Acceptance is the key, I am learning to accept.
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Those last lines were beautiful. I think it’s time to re-read that book 🙂 As for change, I know what you mean because I have recently felt exactly the same way. I don’t get bored of being in one place, with the same people. I love being stagnant(for the lack of a better word ) But then again like you pointed out, life keeps moving, places change and people too. Hope you have fun in Bangy!
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I just saw the movie, like 1 hour back. I have to admit I didn’t like it. With a book like Memoirs of a geisha I expected more. Again, my expectations ruined my pleasure. I need to re read that book again too, just to feel its beauty.
Don’t we all like being that way, but life comples us to change. Its the only constant thing in life.
Its good to see you back. I missed your posts.
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Every stagnant aspect of your life was a change once. I too don’t like changes but then I would not have got all those great things in life if change hasn’t happened. Go with it. 🙂
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I know. Change is important for growth, I would have never grown up to be the girl I am today if not for the changes that took place in my life. Trying to embrace them in my life…
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Awesome post!
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