Life, Memories, Realizations…

Well, I guess I am back… Its been such a long time. I wrote the same thing last time too, but this time, trust me, I am gonna write regularly.To start afresh I’ve to clear out my mind of the things that have happened in my life in the past three months. If you are not a fan of personal posts, you can quit reading here. Its gonna be long and boring…

Here we go….. FLASHBACK!!!

1. College ( Socha tha kya, kya ho gya) : The very day I stepped into my college, I knew it for sure that the first structure to collapse if an earthquake hits Bengal would be my college building. The Biotechnology department brought back memories of those dark, holy caves in my hometown. There were more spiders than microscopes in labs. The autoclave (an equipment used for sterilization) is kept on the terrace, as there is no space to keep it inside. Every time it rains, we have to abandon the experiment ( yes, it does feel like India Australia cricket series sometimes). Such is the condition of one of the so called best engineering institutes in our country. Initially, everything was depressing, nowadays I’ve replaced that tragical feeling with comedy, I laugh at it, and enjoy. This is our condition after securing all India ranks within 400. Life’s good. 😛

2. Hostel ( Chan se jo toote koi sapna) : Surviving the attack after seeing the college, I stepped ahead to see my new hostel. Thankfully, it was a new building. I hove a sigh of relief. I had always wished to get a single room during post graduation, as was the case in many colleges. Well, all my dreams were broken when I had to share one room with 3 other roommates, and all of them Bengali, haling from the same place, class and having the same mentality. Unlike them I didn’t get any cupboard, table, study lamp, as I was the last one to join hostel, I had to adjust. That’s what I am doing from 3 month: Adjust. 🙂

3. Love ( Kabhi haan, kabhi naa) : I broke up, I patched up, I broke up again, I patched up again, and the cycle continues. The condition is so complicated that my friends ask my relationship status everyday, yes, every single day, as one day I am single, another I am not.( Of course with the same guy) Saala pyaar na hua, Jharkhand ki sarkaar ho gyi, tikta hi nahi.

4. Life…etc (Zindagi kaisi hai paheli haaye, kabhi to hansaye kabhi ye rulaye ) : The day I reached here, I saw girls, and even boys around me with their parents.  I came here alone, travelling for 40 hours by train, with my huge luggage bag. Even now, girls in my hostel identify me as the girl who came without her parents, carrying a bag almost her size.All my life I thought I was the only girl who was bounded by family, traditions, hypocritical rules, and now I see a different world. I am free, independent, and strong, girls around me are not. They don’t even want to be. Yes, there are things I still can’t imagine to tell my parents, things I don’t dare to do but I am taking one step at a time.  I go out, I meet strangers, I travel by myself, I scream, I break rules, I rebel, I lie. And they are changing too. Initially they would never let me travel alone. Now I scream aloud that I’ve grown up, and ask them to let me be. I ask them to give me a chance, to show them that I can do something, as and when I prove myself right, I am free to experiment again. I’ve come to a conclusion that if you are an Indian daughter from a conservative family, you have to lie to live your own life. Otherwise you are just passing your time, you are not living, you are breathing. Oppress unhi ko kiya jata hai jo oppress hona chahta hai. I know its wrong to cheat your parents, but trust me you can’t argue with them, you’ll always be proved wrong. I am not asking people to turn into criminals, to be alcoholics, or spoil their lives, just do what you feel is right, what is the right thing to do. A friend of mine gave birth to her daughter recently, got married last year, against her wishes. She’s just 22. Other people are getting married, engaged, sometimes forcibly, sometimes because they were programmed to follow the set of rules laid down for good Indian daughters. What the hell! They are my age. I can’t imagine myself being a mother. I feel pity to see smart, highly educated girls being emotionally forced into marriages. Am I being irrational here? Do people actually want to get married at 21-22?

Anyways I’ve gone beyond the topic. Coming back to my life, I don’t know if I am happy, I am screwed professionally, but I am trying to figure it out. I am confused as always, I miss home and my mom, that one year I spent there and did nothing, even that makes me cry sometimes.  I laugh with people, I crack jokes, to them I am the happiest person they have ever seen. My roommate once told me that she wants to be like me. haha… and I still don’t know what I want to be. I am living it, smiling, procrastinating, crying once the lights are switched off, trying to find out a purpose. I guess, I am okay.

I’ll be 23 in the next 3 months, and as I look back to my life, I realize that I have come a long way since the days when I was a little girl running in the lanes of my small town, to capture the cut kites drifting in the sky. I feel, I’ve grown up. 🙂

Aur jabse maine badiyan or aachar bnaya hai tabse to meri maa ko bhi yakeen ho gya hai ki mai badi zimmedaar ho gayi hun. Sachi…. 😛

24 thoughts on “Life, Memories, Realizations…

  1. Nice to hear from you! 🙂
    Hey, you have grown up just by doing the very things you said you are. I was married at 20 and divorced at 21. I married my brothers best friend who had known me for years. I adored him and he adored me. Sadly I was raped 6 weeks before our wedding and although I got married…I never fully recovered. But looking back we were way too young anyway, so I agree with you. You made me laugh about your relationship status!! Lol They fun and games of love, right? You will know which way to turn when the timings right. 🙂
    I for one hug you and think for 22 you’ve done great. Just don’t hide too much behind that smile as it can break you. Vent to your fellow bloggers. Hugs to you, Paula xxxx


    • I am really sorry to hear about your hardships. I can’t imagine how tough life would have been for you. I hope God gives you the strength to deal with it.
      Well, my relationship is funny, we fight a lot, break up every other day, it has become a routine, this is what we are, neither apart, nor together. Makes me smile and cry at the same time. 🙂
      I think I’ve learned to be this way, this happy girl who makes everyone laugh. I don’t know if anyone takes me seriously. People who know me personally can’t even imagine that I am a blogger, a writer. I am so different and so not me in my real life. I like this virtual life of mine, its a place to be me. And bloggers like you, in different countries, continents are the ones who know me more. Its feels pretty awesome. 🙂
      Thanks for sharing your story here. People like you who have surpassed so many difficulties in their lives inspire me to face whatever trouble life offers me. You are an inspiration. Have a nice day… 🙂


  2. I disagree, strongly, with your growing up part 😀 You are just 22 😉

    As for the other developments, I think you are doing very well. Will make an interesting novel, if you come down to it 🙂

    PS- I am copying the jharkhand quote 😛 Its so cool. Must put up on facebook 😀


    • Agar mai 80 saal ki budiya ho gyi, even then you’ll say, you are still a kid, you haven’t grown up, toh aap toh chod hi do. :/
      Yup, my life has always been interesting, it would make quite a filmy novel actually. I haven’t told you about my travel experiences yet, they are another interesting part of my life. The next time we meet up, I’ll tell you about the extraordinary journeys I’ve had. 🙂

      Haha… that Jharkhand thing just came up into my mind. Copy it, mai na sahi facebook pe, mera quote hi sahi. 😛


  3. //if you are an Indian daughter from a conservative family, you have to lie to live your own life.
    I have seen my sister do this and I helped her a lot. 🙂
    And I was royally screwed up when I was 23. You are doing really great.
    p.s. I had my own room during post-graduation. 😛


    • Oh I wish my brother was as cool as you… he’s more conservative than my parents. I could still tell some things to my mom, but my brother, he is so chugalkhor. 😦
      I am so jealous of people who stay in single rooms… 😦 I have to live with 3 other Bengali girls, It is so irritating. Privacy naam ki koi cheej nahi rhi life mai.


  4. “I laugh with people, I crack jokes, to them I am the happiest person they have ever seen. My roommate once told me that she wants to be like me. haha… and I still don’t know what I want to be. I am living it, smiling, procrastinating, crying once the lights are switched off, trying to find out a purpose.”

    What! You too? I thought I was the only one.


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