About A Broken Friendship

Dear friend,

It’s been a long time since we talked, forget whatsapping , Google chat etc., I mean to say, really talked to each other. I don’t know what came between us. I don’t know if it were you or me who was really responsible for damaging the friendship we once had. Yes, I do blame myself for it all the time, but I am really not sure what made me stay away from you. Was it the fact that you were so much more intelligent, smart, pretty and successful than me, or was it because I just felt left out? You know how we were always together right from childhood, always equals, always closer than anyone in our class. How can we forget the days when we went to school together, to birthday parties, shopping, picnics, always hand in hand? Yes, that sounds so lesbian now, but well we didn’t know that word back then. It was you who would teach me maths, physics over phone and in that tea stall near bus stop, and it was me who would always score more marks than you. And one day when I left our beloved town, you gave me that farewell party at your place, one that I can never forget.  I cried everyday because I was lonely without you, and I cried because you were alone too. I still have all those letters you sent me. And I remember how happy I would be every time I got your letter. School ended and we both joined college, you in Delhi and me in Bangalore, you in one of the best institutes in the country and me, well just somewhere.

I was always happy for you. It was like you were living the dreams I had. I listened to the things you did, the events you attended, the fun you had and I enjoyed it. There was nothing I could tell you though, I had a normal life, hostel to college, college to hostel, there was no fun, but I really didn’t mind, until the day I really saw how different we had become. That was when we met after four long years. I don’t know what happened that day. Maybe I had many expectations from that meeting, maybe I always longed for a friend like you and was really excited to see you, but I didn’t feel it. There was just nothing. That was the moment when I think our friendship took a huge blow. And things changed after that. Our lives took different directions. You got into a relationship and obviously, I hated that guy. I was always so possessive about all those people I loved, you, my brother, my other friends. Trust me; my brother’s marriage troubled me a lot. I have a hard time sharing ‘my people’ with others. I have changed now, I guess losing you and a lot many friends I had, made me less sensitive. I am hardly attached to anyone now. That is a completely different issue I am facing right now; I have turned into a selfish, insensitive bitch.

friends-forever

Well, I miss you. I miss you when I have to bitch about our old classmates. I miss you when I have to cry about my shitty love life, I miss you when I visit home and realise that I don’t have a single friend there. I miss you but I don’t know why, I get so weak in the knees just by the thought of meeting you. I just don’t fit in your lifestyle anymore, or that’s what I think.

I wish I could just go back in time, where we were not screwed up adults but two kids walking down the street laughing about anything and everything, where our friendship was the only thing that mattered to us.

‘Cause everything is different now,

I’d really like to tell you how,

How I wanted you here by my side,

I know what I said but I lied,

It looked like I laughed but I cried,

But I wish I could push rewind.

Your old friend…

Mona

Image from here.

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14 thoughts on “About A Broken Friendship

  1. Do not give up yet. Talk to her. She’ll understand. She is your best friend after all. Talking to your best friend is sometimes all the therapy you need …

    Rare as is true love, true friendship is rarer.

    – Jean de La Fontaine

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  2. Hey Mona! 🙂
    How beautiful and sad at the same time. People change, it’s all just a part of growing and people we have known for years can tend to fade away from our lives. I stayed friends with my school girlfriends for about 20 years and then one day I just didn’t feel the connection they still felt for each other. In part at times I felt they still lived the school life and talked about the same girls still behind their backs. I suppose I outgrew that and so slowly stopped attended events etc. Yet I still have friends now that I’ve known for 21 years and are very close to. Don’t give up if you feel there’s something worth fighting for, but if not? You will make new acquaintances and friends as it’s the way of life. I hug you and hope this year is, Monas year! Paula xxxx

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  3. Hey Mona! What if nothing has changed..What if she stills considers you as the same old dear friend? Don’t give up..Give your friendship a chance..I know I might be wrong..People do change..But I think the true feelings from the heart will never change ..ever..
    Really touching post ..

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  4. its touching and really painful. To share someone and suddenly let the person go out of life when the person has been a great part of life. Yet this is reality and we need to accept. Letting things go with warmth and no pain can leave the doors open for the future of that relation and bond.

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  5. Thanks for sharing this, Mona. This happens to a lot of us..I feel your sadness. In trying to make sense of such a loss, here’s how I began to see it- it’s like we’re journeying through life on a train, the people journeying with us are the friends we grow to love, but they’re not ours to keep- they’ll get off at some station and journey on..maybe that’s all the time we’ll have together in this life and maybe that’s all we need of each other..be glad for all that was good and hope to meet more like her.
    it IS sad when we can’t feel the same warmth we used to, but we can still feel the warmth of love- we can love them just as we loved them back in the good days even if we don’t have the same reasons to love them anymore..cos our life has been enriched by the people we’ve loved- and that is reason enough.
    And soon you’ll find that crippling sadness replaced by a calming sense of peace.
    🙂

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  6. Did you read my mind? Really a great post.It remembered my best friend (The best and my only friend for 14 years).I tried to fix things.But I could not make it.Broken glasses won’t make an image.Until now I cannot find a friend like him.He became a different person now.I miss him a lot a lot:( 😦

    People use to advice like ‘You people should talk about things and everything will get better’.Frankly it would never make a change.Its life:(…We need to move on (I hate this)

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  7. Relationships are like a “bank balance” which we carry forward from our previous births.

    Relationships last till the balance lasts. No balance – every “withdrawal” is refused, every cheque starts bouncing.

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