That Thing Called Marriage

This February when I got the news of my best friend from high school giving birth to a baby girl, I looked at the disheveled pile of notebooks lying on my chair, the cobwebs adorning the corners of my study table, the always-ready-to-fall-down clothes in my cupboard and asked my roommate, how is it possible that people my age are taking out an entire human being out of their bodies and taking care of it while I am barely able to take care of myself! When I asked a mutual friend of ours the same question she texted me this,

Mujhe lag rha hai logon ke bachche bhi ho gye, bas mai hi peeche reh gayi, meri shadi bhi nhi hui ab tak. Kab basaungi mai apna ghar?

I was perplexed by her thoughts. Was I the only one who thought we were too young? I mean we are just in the 24-26 age group, what’s the hurry? But apparently everyone is in a hurry as is evident by the constant wedding updates on my Facebook feed. It’s like everyone I know is getting married. That innocent girl from secondary school who never talked to anyone, the Punjabi sherni from high school, all my south Indian classmates from college, almost every day I wish someone on Facebook  to have a happy married life!!!  And then I go into this deep depression mode… yaar hum itne bade kab ho gye? Seriously, I can’t imagine myself getting married.

Falling in love – OK

Having a boyfriend – OK

Live-in – OK

But Shadi- Kaise yaar!!!

There is this thing in our community where as soon as the bride reaches her sasural, she has to dance or show how to play a dholak, or both. No one considers that she has come there after spending hours, even days in those torturous wedding rituals. Everyone is interested to see her dance or sing. Every time I think of marriage, this dancing scene comes into my mind.  She is going to be a wife, not a reality show contestant yaar!!!

Don’t get me wrong, I love weddings- new dresses, shoes, gifts, all the dhama-chaukari. One can actually see me teary eyed while watching those mushy wedding videos they make these days, and what can I say about the magnificent photography (simply wow)! It’s like if I could get married for a day, and then say goodbye to everyone, including the husband.

woman

          A Kumaoni Bride…

I can be in a relationship (much better be single) all my life, but marriage frightens me. I am in love with this guy for five years, and yes we used to talk about marriage and all when we were teenagers (hence stupid), but right now, I just can’t imagine myself in that red bridal dress.

When a childhood friend of mine got married two years ago, I kept staring at her pictures with that big kumaoni nath on her nose and a mangalsutra on her neck, and I was like,

Oh My God!! Why is she wearing a nath? Isn’t that for old people? She is just a kid like me. How can she get married so early? And so on…

I couldn’t get out of the shock of her marriage. I guess this is somehow related to my fear of growing up. I think I was twelve when I came to know that girls have periods upon reaching puberty. From that time, every single day I was scared to be an “adult”. While I heard stories of it from my classmates, I secretly prayed for that “period monster” to never show up. Alas, it knocked on my doors (hehe) when I was fourteen. And me, being an idiot didn’t tell anyone, hid myself and kept crying.

Well, that was the first phase of the process of growing up, upon which I had no control of my own. It was a natural process and it happened. But getting married would be like, aa bail mujhe maar, and I have no intention of doing that. I can’t get married and grow up again, not so soon, and hopefully never.

*****

Pic courtesy: here

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9 thoughts on “That Thing Called Marriage

  1. Haan, shaadi kaise yaar, same thought. We didn’t realize kab baare ho gaye yaar and I’m even past the marriage age..lolz. So many of my college juniors have kids now. It makes me wonder. Not ready to get hitched, Mona:)

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  2. There has to be a word to describe the way I feel right now. No matter how hard I try, I am unable to put it down. If you even have the slightest clue (which I suspect you have), I don’t need to elaborate anymore.

    P.S – Here’s a post with a similar theme that I came across right now. You may be able to relate to it more than I can, now that you’re in the same “zone” as this topic. 🙂

    https://soulgasmsaturday.wordpress.com/2015/07/11/so-when-are-you-going-to-get-married/

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      • u know what.. i have recent developments in this thought process… saw lots of kids and their parents today at workplace and that scared me as well… i recalled ur words.. – “how can u take out a whole human being from your body!!” imagine we kiddos being mommies 😦 aaaaaaaaaah… somebody plzzz pinch me…

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  3. Interesting post! 🙂

    I’m 47 and have been married twice. First time at 20…waaaayyyy too young! Then I married again at 30. Divorced at 45 and had my children to two different men. Life certainly didn’t turn out the way I had pictured it. In saying that, I wouldn’t have it any other way. You live, you learn! Life is about taking chances, otherwise how do we keep moving forward. Your wedding tradition sounds amazing yet very stressful as well! I would be petrified to sing and dance in front of everyone. Lol
    When the timing is right, you will know. 🙂 As for periods…when mine started I thought I was dying! 🙂

    Have a great week. Hugs Paula xx

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    • I completely agree..life is nothing without taking chances, it would just be a straight line, with no experiences. I knew bits of your story from your blog. You have a really interesting and eventful life. 🙂
      I hope when the right time comes, I make the right decisions. Hope you are doing well. 🙂

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