It’s been three years since I started blogging, but I hardly ever wrote about you here. And what a shame it is! You are the only person that figures permanently in my ever changing life. You are, my love, the sole revolution of my life, the reason I’ve deceived and lied to my friends, my family and the entire world. There have been thousands of ups and downs in our relationship, but the thing that matters is that we never gave up. We always held onto that last string of hope, to sustain this love we have, to make it work, even in those times when it hurt us.
Every time I talked about you, I told people how unromantic and dumb you were, how settled you were in life, with no big dreams or ambitions, and how boring it was for someone like me to put up with you. I always criticized you, and rarely told people how good you were as a person. I never told them how you never tried to own my life, how deeply you cared for me, how you never forced me to do anything against my wishes, how you gave wings to my free spirited soul and how selflessly you loved me.
Just yesterday my mother remarked that I am not a girl who can ever love anyone, if at all, I can be kind to people. So, it is kindness when I wake up at night to check if she’s fine, it is kindness when I run to close the windows of her room when it rains, and it is kindness when a (kaamchor) girl like me makes her tea. It’s just not my mom who has told me this, I have been told this by a hell lot of people. And maybe, they are all right or may be their definition of love slightly differs from mine. I don’t know what love is, I just know that you have given me immense happiness as well as grief in the last five years. You are the reason I know what it feels like to be really alive, and also what it would feel to live a soulless life. You have made me smile by writing as silly poems as a five year old can write and cry, by not answering my calls when I really needed you. You are the one who learnt to cook my favorite meal because my mom (owing to her disability), couldn’t cook it anymore. You are someone because of whom I know that life has ups and downs and highs and lows and love is nothing but to endure these changes together.
I hope you know that I love you, despite all the fights I have put up with you. I hope we surpass this difficult time that we are presently facing. I can’t see you in pain and I never thought I could ever say this to someone but I wish it was me suffering instead of you. (And I know you would laugh reading this and ask me to stop my dialogue delivery).
Get well soon.
“ Tumhe ishq ke siwa or koi bimaari suit nahi karti…hehe.” (Ab tum kahoge ki kuch jyada hi khatarnak dialogue ho gaya)