Lost and Wasted

It’s Monday night, you finish a novel you started reading just three hours ago and you end up crying. Not because the story made you feel sad but because you don’t know whether you’ll ever get your happy ending.  And you don’t know how to define “happy” here because what made you happy three years ago doesn’t make you happy anymore. You have moved on from the phase where a Taylor Swift song defined your life, you have tried a lot many bands but none seems to describe what you feel. Finding a meaning to your life through a song feels like a foolish thing to do, yet you keep on looking for quotations, last words of famous people, for coming of age movies, for those books that will change your life forever but none seems to help. You keep on waiting for that one moment which would divide your lifetime into two parts, for that point where your story would turn into a beautiful tale you always wanted to live but that never happens, the wait never seems to end. And you wonder whether all your dreams are nothing but a labyrinth that is too complicated to escape. You feel paralyzed by your own thoughts, thoughts that are too many to handle, and you look out for that one person who would ever understand you, who would know that you aren’t strong just because you act to be so, and that you aren’t weak just because you show your love, your vulnerability. What would you do if you find out that you are the only person that understands you? What would you do if you realize that you are your own hero and that no one is going to save you, except you? Would you be happy or would you be sad? Would you live or would you die?

As for me, I would put on my earphones and listen to,

“Remember when we were lost at sea?
We would look at the bright night sky
Thinking of, what we could be

What we could be
How to spend our lives
Remember when we had nothing left?
We were strung out in the cold
Holding on, trying to save our breath
Trying to save our breath
We would not let go
Whoa
Through the good, through the bad and ugly
Whoa
We’ll conquer anything
Cuz
One day we’re gonna come back
And laugh at it all
One day we’re look at the past
With love, love
One day we’re gonna come back
And relive those thoughts
One day we’re look at the past
With love, love
With love, love… “

(American Authors: Love)