Five Years Later ( Loving Against The Odds)

It has been a long time since I wrote this post and to be honest I am a little astonished by the traffic this post still gets. This has been the most viewed and most commented post on my blog and may be the only reason I get any amount of hits on my blog. A lot of people search for inter-caste and inter-religion relationships and land up on my blog which makes me wonder how many couples in our country are suffering from the inter caste marriage syndrome (ICMS)! A few of them even mail me either to sympathize with me or to ask me for suggestions on their own relationships. And that my dear friends really scare me because five years later I am still with the same guy.

I wrote that post when I was 21, fresh out of college and in a long distance relationship with a guy for two years. I never really got to leave the guy because such an event never cropped up in my life. Neither my parents decided to marry me off, nor did they get to know of my relationship. My mom to be honest most definitely knows about our relationship but still tries to turn a blind eye to it. She has now met him and even told me that she liked him but I know that deep down she prays to Lord every day that we should just be friends. This is after she practically expects him to drop me to stations, help me when I am sick, accompany me anywhere I have to go alone and totally be my knight in shining armour. May be she’s still living in Satayuga and expects guys to be that friendly and expect nothing in return. (or maybe she is aware of a term called friend zone)

In fact, sans my sister my whole family has now met him and know that we are close. And the fact that they still try to brush us off as friends, that ladies and gentleman is a big problem, because that shows the blind trust they have put on me. I don’t hold grudges against them anymore though. I know where they come from and why they have certain thoughts and beliefs. They are the reason I am able enough to have an opinion of my own and to respect other’s opinion.

So the next question is why I am still hiding this relationship?

That is because I really don’t know if I even want to get married. Marriage fails to interest me. Yes, I do like all the fun and festivities associated with weddings, taking pictures and posting them on social media. I turn green on seeing people getting the opportunity to freely express their love, and would like to have children someday but I don’t know whether the concept of marriage is my cup of tea. There are too many expectations, too much home-bound politics and too many roles to play. This could be because I’ve had many bad experiences with married people or because I don’t see many people around me getting married for the right reasons.

So what is the point of making the relationship public and hurt everyone when I don’t know whether marriage is what I want. Let’s just keep everyone happy for now.

Of course, I can’t be sure that my views won’t change in the coming years. It is very much possible but right now at twenty six I find myself too young to get married. (But in a country where around 90% of females get married before the age of 25, I might be wrong.) Anyway, if the situation comes down to choosing someone between the two, I can honestly say that I want both. In five years I have come far from crying about giving up on my love on the internet to announcing my hatred for marriage, who knows what’s going to happen in the next five years.

For now, the goal is to make something of myself, stop being jealous, try to write more, and to learn Kannada and Bengali. Let me focus on the small things and let the bigger things fall into place.

(To the folks who have landed here to find a solution to their relationship woes, sorry to disappoint you but I am not a love guru. I am just a girl in my mid twenties who writes her own story here. I wish I could bring a change in the society and relieve you of your miseries but that my friend is what you’ll have to do yourself. If is it important enough you’ll find a reason, if not you ‘ll find an excuse)


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21 thoughts on “Five Years Later ( Loving Against The Odds)

  1. Pingback: Because I Love A Guy From Another Caste | PSEUDOMONAZ

  2. Well 26 is really not that old these days.. I am not talking about india. And as you said look after the small things and if they work out bigger things will automatically fall in place.

    And caste system I think it is the way we are brought up in india.. my sis married a guy from other caste but i still remeber the day when we got to know the first reaction was me and jeep full of boys drove to teach him a lesson.. lucky he was not there but things change …and now everyone is a big fat family..

    My best wishes always…

    Liked by 1 person

    • I could so imagine the scene where you are going to beat the shit out of a poor boy.. full ddlj style! 😜
      And 26 is not old.. you should tell that to my friends.. they are making babies now… 😂


  3. I am already following you and i didn’t read this post? Me being the perfect blog stalker, I have no idea how that happened.. maybe because it is a 5 year old post.
    And i guess you have a lot more clarity than anyone your age and need no advice, but there is one piece of unasked advice i will always give, trust your instincts and not question your judgement for even one second because of anyone(parents or siblings or friends or relatives or worse strangers).
    This is a lesson learnt from my mistake. I hope you do not make that.


  4. “I don’t hold grudges against them anymore though. I know where they come from and why they have certain thoughts and beliefs. They are the reason I am able enough to have an opinion of my own and to respect other’s opinion.” — The ultimate love hate relationship we have with our parents!
    We cannot hate them for the grip they want on us or love them for the freedom they gave us until now which made us who we are today!


    • Well… My relationship with my parents is changing with age and time. I hated them during teenage, like they were my worst enemies. I like them now. I guess with age I have accepted their thoughts, I can understand their struggle and their culture and everything. Still there are days I feel like how the hell did a girl like me was born in this crazy family. It’s such a funny relationship.

      Liked by 3 people

      • I can relate so well with these feelings and hence the long comments. Sorry about that.
        I know i fit into mine perfectly but still have similar relationship but my love – hate cycles are just too intertwined to be specific.
        I always wished i was born to the same parents in a country in the west. It would be a perfect fit.

        Liked by 1 person

    • Around 90% of marriages in India are arranged. Though, I am not against the concept per se, but I can’t imagine myself settling for such a thing. For now, I don’t even want to be married. Let’s see where life takes us.
      Thank you for your wishes. 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

  5. I live in the US. My son fell in love with a Sikh girl in grad school. They were together for 4 years. They wanted to marry. Her parents told her that she had to choose between her family and him, so they hid their relationship, but eventually, they broke up. It was very sad. They are both married to other people now (her, to a young man her parents chose) and happy, but I always felt bad for both of them because they had to make a terrible choice.


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