A Foolproof Guide to Women’s Safety in India

  1. Never step out of home at odd hours, not after sunset, not before sunrise. Only Surya Dev is responsible for your safety not the police.Screenshot_2017-08-08-00-26-18-452_com.android.chrome[1]
  2. Don’t dress provocativelysalwar-kameez and saree makes you invisible to the prying eyes of good sanskari men. Be conscious and never let your duppata or pallu slip. Chunni hati, durghatana ghati!
  3. If you are eve-teased/stalked/harassed/raped, don’t go to the police station, you are inviting more wrath on yourself. Just forgive and forget.
  4. If you are driving and being followed don’t use your phone and call anyone for help. It’s a crime to talk on the phone and drive. Give up your life/dignity but never break the laws of the land. Chances are you’ll be serving a severe sentence than the guys stalking you.Screenshot_2017-08-08-00-19-45-610_com.twitter.android[1]
  5. Don’t be friends with a guy; you are sending an open invite to people to harass you. All keys get automatic license to open a previously opened tijori. Don’t be that characterless tijori.
  6. Never entice your boss/colleague/neighbour with your sexuality. You are a woman, you aren’t supposed to be a sexual being.
  7. Don’t be poor. You are expected to give a huge dowry to the good people who are accepting you as their daughter-in-law. Don’t be stingy and force them to burn/drown/shoot you.
  8. Don’t say no. As per Bollywood’s first law of attraction, a girl’s no is actually a yes so just go along with anything that is expected from you as a wife/girlfriend. Always remember that marital rape is a myth.main-qimg-97304d8df59ef1534d55244fe6961973-c
  9. Don’t drink/smoke/ party.
  10. Don’t wear heels/make-up.
  11. Don’t use mobiles/internet.
  12. Don’t eat chowmein.
  13. Don’t speak.
  14. Don’t see.
  15. Don’t live. 

Side note to a sperm: If by any chance you have an X-chromosome. Don’t be foolish and swim to fertilise an egg. There are very high chances that you would be killed in the womb itself. Even if you survive you’ll have to follow the above 15 points and that is too much work. Just be wise like a girl and let the mighty Y-chromosome win the race.

Thank You.

*****

*all images from newspaper headlines,twitter and google.

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12 thoughts on “A Foolproof Guide to Women’s Safety in India

  1. Heylo! Can’t tell you how amazingly you’ve put together this satire❤ at first I though it was going to be something else and by the time I was half way through, I was laughing and feeling ashamed at the same time. This cycle of unabashed victim blaming, inefficiency on the part lawmakers, implementers along with the sick mentality of perpetrators keeps repeating itself with every incident. Such a shame.

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    • It is a sad state of affairs. I was going through twitter when the Chandigarh stalking case was on news and I was so shocked to find the way people were doing the character assassination of the young girl. Just sickening. It inspired me to write this. Glad that you liked it.

      Like

  2. You have summed it up nicely – the ugliness of our patriarchal society. It’s amazing the kind of weird connections they make and the absurd advices shelled out towards women’s safety.

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    • Yes it is really stupid if you think about it in a rational way. I don’t know how people come up with such theories.
      And thanks for being on my blog and taking the time to comment, really means a lot. 🙂

      Like

  3. I am just sad that I live in such a society.
    I mean do these people even think about what they are saying? Like really just step back, and listen to what you are saying. It is like you don’t want to correct the wrong, but make right into wrong. You said it right they just want us to stop living.And really? eating chowmien???What point do they think they can make out of it? And you know what the saddest part is? That not even men form today’s generation are any different.

    Liked by 1 person

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