Meh…

Sometimes I wish I could fast forward my life. Like I could wake up one day and find a different world. When all these troubles are left behind and I find the answers to all the questions I have now. I am tired and frustrated of this life. I don’t know how to live anymore.

And I know even if I wake up after five years and find a new world, there could still be questions or frustrations but I am okay with that. I do not want a bed full of roses, but I want new struggles, new questions, a new life.

I don’t know where I went wrong with this life. And I know one must look at people who have it worse than you. But what about those people who have it much easier.

I like this quote from one of my favorite books,

“I think that if I ever have kids, and they are upset, I won’t tell them that people are starving in China or anything like that because it wouldn’t change the fact that they were upset. And even if somebody else has it much worse, that doesn’t really change the fact that you have what you have.” 
― Stephen Chbosky, The Perks of Being a Wallflower

This is what I have and it is hard to live. You spend years of your life hoping that someday it’s gonna be alright, that your day would come soon. You struggle, you cry, you try be a good human, you trust yourself, your beliefs but nothing happens.

I don’t want a perfect life. I just want a hope, a sign, something to tell me that there is something better for me. That this would all be worth it someday.

Someday.

I am going to regret writing here but I need to do this.

7 thoughts on “Meh…

  1. And this is the place where your readers come and share their concerns and declare solidarity with you without even knowing you.
    The high quality of writing is commendable.

    Like

  2. Oh Mona, Mona. I wish words could express how much this post resonates with me. I’ve spent long nights staring at the ceiling, forcing myself to count my blessings, when the success (?) of the (seemingly) undeserving only makes me want to wallow in some light self-pity even more.

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  3. Hi. Well, I don’t know you, but this post has touched me. I don’t believe in comparing yourself to other people, whether they have it better or worse. You sorrow is only yours and like the quote said, it won’t change that. I feel like there’s something condecending in giving advice, as if saying I know better, but you are the only one who knows what’s good for you, so I will only tell you what’s helped me deal with my own. I stood before a choice – connecting with my pain and feeding it, or listening to my heart and try to look past it. Being grateful for my life. I had so much more to live and go through but I couldn’t see it. And reading this book – “the power of now” by Eckhart Tolle. I urge you to try 😊
    I appriciate you for not giving up and for sharing your pain here. I know it mist be more difficult than we can comprehend. But you can go through this. Sorry if that sounds cheesy.

    Liked by 1 person

  4. After an extent, fancy quotes of courage, endurance and one day it’ll be okay don’t work. Things are worse if you’re an atheist since you know that only you can change your situation – no one else. During times like these, only 2 things seem to work. A firm decision to give up and move to a different goal/stream or you decide you’ll die fighting.

    Liked by 1 person

  5. I hope that you get that sign soon, I will pray for you. I know I can do nothing else except to tell you that please hold on, don’t just give up. There will be something to look up to one day, some day but soon.
    I also know these are just words to you know, but then we all here on WordPress, are liable to and from words.
    Take care Mona, I know it can be frustrating sometimes, you have got us here, you can talk all you want, but just don’t loose hope.

    Like

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