So yeah, I am here, currently suffering from a serious bout of writer’s block and depression. I am not exactly a textbook case of depression. I mean I laugh, I talk to people, I have fun but my mind, it never stops thinking. It just goes on and on. I am thinking to try yoga or meditation but I have no idea about how to get started. I mean, I guess one needs to calm his/her mind to meditate, right, but that’s what I am unable to do. Or is it the other way round? Argh, I don’t know. Life is just so fucked up! There…I used the f word. Me, the girl who never swears. But that’s how fucked up life really is.
Sometimes I feel like maybe God (or whatever superpower there is) wants me to learn many lessons in life. Like my life is nothing but a day to day account of what not to do with your life. Like I am destined to run after things that I could never get. This is the reality of my life. But I guess, I am just not learning those lessons. Or may be I have much more learning to do.
Year after year of thinking what went wrong in my life, I have come to a realisation that I am my worst enemy. I lose this battle of life against myself. Like I am not able to overpower this lazy, procrastinating, useless part of me and built up my life.
I once read it somewhere, that the only direction you can go after you hit rock bottom is up. But I am just not able to see it right now. I am in a ditch. I want to go up but everything is holding me back. I just can’t see an open door right now. It has been a long time. A really long time.
I am here but I am really not here. And I don’t know where I want to be. Does life ever gets better? If it does, I’ll probably write a book about it and I’ll give it the title, “What not to do in Life”.
You all would get a free copy. Signed. Of course.