Here and There

So yeah, I am here, currently suffering from a serious bout of writer’s block and depression. I am not exactly a textbook case of depression. I mean I laugh, I talk to people, I have fun but my mind, it never stops thinking. It just goes on and on. I am thinking to try yoga or meditation but I have no idea about how to get started. I mean, I guess one needs to calm his/her mind to meditate, right, but that’s what I am unable to do. Or is it the other way round? Argh, I don’t know. Life is just so fucked up! There…I used the f word. Me, the girl who never swears. But that’s how fucked up life really is. 

Sometimes I feel like maybe God (or whatever superpower there is) wants me to learn many lessons in life. Like my life is nothing but a day to day account of what not to do with your life. Like I am destined to run after things that I could never get. This is the reality of my life. But I guess, I am just not learning those lessons. Or may be I have much more learning to do. 

Year after year of thinking what went wrong in my life, I have come to a realisation that I am my worst enemy. I lose this battle of life against myself. Like I am not able to overpower this lazy, procrastinating, useless part of me and built up my life. 

I once read it somewhere, that the only direction you can go after you hit rock bottom is up. But I am just not able to see it right now. I am in a ditch. I want to go up but everything is holding me back. I just can’t see an open door right now. It has been a long time. A really long time. 

I am here but I am really not here. And I don’t know where I want to be. Does life ever gets better? If it does, I’ll probably write a book about it and I’ll give it the title, “What not to do in Life”. 

You all would get a free copy. Signed. Of course. 

22 thoughts on “Here and There

  1. Ok, here is my idea.
    Get stated by meditating, sit in a peaceful area, breath and breath again (i suppose that you know that ), let your imagination flow , don’t stop it , breath again , let you brain release the tension that oppress you, try to imagine yourself where you wish to be (and use that place every time you meditate ) , don’t stop your thoughts yet , use that for a few days , trying to calm down. After a few days , try to diverge your thoughts toward a happier ending, try to see a day at a time. Don’t focus on your daily tasks because that could be oppressive, i know that. Just mediate and be patient.
    I’m always there if you wish to talk. 💕

    Liked by 2 people

    • Hi… Thanks for your suggestions. You made it quite clear actually. I need to change my entire lifestlye before starting with meditation. Let’s see how everything pans out for me. And I love listening to music. I am a big music freak. It keeps me sane. Plus blogging is my way to calm down. Thank you for reading this and understand. It’s hard to find people who understand you in real life. 😊

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  2. I love meditation. Also when my mind races, which I find it doing almost always, but when it gets really out of control, I lay in bed with the light on and stare at the ceiling for sometimes over an hour just doing nothing and I try to only think about writing.

    As for everything else, your mistakes make you wiser and your sadness and struggles make you stronger. I would even pay for a book that you wrote! ❤

    Liked by 3 people

    • Oh I wish I could control my thoughts. I am trying to be positive and would start meditation once I settle down at one place.
      And I am not as talented as you. I can’t write a book. If I do by some miracle someday, I would give you the first copy. 😊

      Liked by 1 person

  3. Hey Mona! Go ahead and write the book. It’s fine to be confused and even people in 40s and 50s are. You are special and extraordinary. Go ahead, fuck up and make mistakes. It’s the age. I practice yoga and do try to learn from a good teacher once a week. Trust me, yoga and practising mindfulness is very helping.

    Much love
    V

    Liked by 2 people

  4. Hey Mona!
    You have no idea how much I’ve been missing you! Very few write good stuff for comments on my blog! 😉😛
    For meditation, I don’t think you need to calm yourself before. If it was so, I wouldn’t be doing meditation. Just sit for as long as you can, close your eyes and don’t try to control your thoughts.
    Do something you like, like painting, writing or maybe reading Orange’s posts 😛😂

    Liked by 1 person

    • Oh dear… I am reading your posts. Secretly. Sorry, I didn’t leave a comment. I had a “comments block”. Aapko apne comments se hum vanchit nhi rakhenge jyada din tak. Let me get over with whatever I am going through. 😊

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  5. Hey!! Good to see you back after so many days. Missed you😊😊. And don’t worry everyone life’s is full of blunders.. I myself is an living example of that. But painful it becomes when you have to carry it for lifetime. Anyways it’s never late.. from your wordings I can sense you are have got a strong mind.. you will sort it all, start something new.. a new life.. कहना तो आसान है, करना मुश्किल होता, पर असम्भव कुछ भी नही।

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