Just Like Your Love

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Now that you are gone,

All I am left with,

Is a bag full of memories…

Letters written by you,

That once made me smile,

Are wet of my tears,

The words fading away,

Just like your love…

The songs you sung for me,

That once left me speechless,

Have the same effect today,

Just with one difference,

A never ending pain replaced my happiness.

They have lost their rhythm,

Just like your love…

The roses you gave me,

To express your love,

Are dead and dried now,

They aren’t red anymore,

They have lost their color,

Just like your love…

Times passed, your feelings changed.

Like everything else,

Your love wasn’t permanent.

They say,

There is no reason to fall in love,

You proved,

There isn’t any to fall out of it.

You are cruel,

Just like your love…

Love Birds That We Were

Myna on our roof

 

Being together,

You were always away.

Your reluctance,

To talk,

To smile,

To love,

Made it clear,

We weren’t meant to be.

I kept walking behind you,

But,

You didn’t look back,

In a desire to win over the world,

You ignored my pain.

Spreading your wings,

You left me alone,

Breaking every promise,

You proved me wrong,

And now, that you are gone,

I can lucidly see,

I was just a chapter in your life,

While,

You were my story!

What’s Your Song Today?

I’ve a habit of relating all the situations in my life with different songs I get to hear, both English and Hindi. Its like whenever I am in a particular situation, a song pops up in my head. And then I listen to that particular song for many days, till I get bored of it. So this is all gonna be about songs and situations.

I had a friend, lets call her Jane, so she had a guy friend name Ron who was head over heels in love with her, but she never reciprocated his feelings. For her he was always a friend. Then she met a guy, Alex, and she fell in love with him. So one day when, me, Jayne and Ron were at the canteen, Alex came there and that exact moment when she smiled seeing him, one look at Ron’s face and this song started playing in my mind,

“Kaise bataayein, kyun tujhko chahe, yaara bataa na paaye.
Baatein dilo ki, dekho jo baaki, aankhein tujhe samjhaye.
Tu jaane na .. tu jaane na .. tu jaane na .. tu jaane na
Milke bhi, hum na mile, tum se na jaane kyun. meelon ke, hai faasle, tum se na jaane kyun. anjaane, hai silsile, tum se na jaane kyun. sapne hai, palkon tale, tum se na jaane kyun…”

And whenever I listen to this song, I can’t help but think of that day in the canteen, the triangular love story of my friends.

Moving on, when I was just friends with A, he sent me a song one day; I mean he mailed me this song. (We had a habit of mailing songs to each other, sometimes songs said few things better than words could.)

“If you’re not the one, then why does my soul feel glad today?
If you’re not the one, then why does my hand fit yours this way?
If you are not mine, then why does your heart return my call?
If you you are not mine, would I have the strength to stand at all?
I never know what the future brings
But I know you’re here with me now
We’ll make it through and I hope,

You are the one I share my life with..”

It touched me. He was a guy of few words, but this song said it all. It was time for me to accept that our relationship is just not friendship anymore.

Then we fell in love, and the cute and lovely days of my life began. There were songs all around me. I was actually listening to every romantic song ever sung, and every song seemed like my own story.

“Khwaabon bina, nigahen meri jee rahin thi
Koi nahin tha yeh akeli meri thi zindagi
Khamosh tha honthon pe baatein nahin thi
Koi nahin tha yeh akeli meri thi zindagi

Tum mile toh mil gaya yeh jahaan
Tum mile toh har pal hai naya
Tum mile toh sabse hai… faasla
Tum mile toh jaadu chaa gaya
Tum mile toh jeena aa gaya
Tum mile toh maine paaya… hai khuda”

Then started the fights, the heart break, possessiveness, tears, etc etc and I started listening to Taylor Swift. Now this girl has a talent to write down the things going through the mind of a young girl who is having a break up. It was like she’s stealing my words, she was singing the things I wanted to say. But those days we fought only for a day, he would send me a song, some cute texts and we would be back together. He sent me this song one day, and I cried listening to it. It’s a song from the Indian band KAASH.

“Na ho ab udaas tu
Na kr ankhe num
In sooni sooni raaton mein
Ayenge tujhse milne hum
In sooni sooni raaton mein
In pyaari pyaari baaton mein
Main laut aaunga
Un dheemi dheemi shaamon mein
Kiye the hum ne waadey jo
Un saarey kasme waadon
Ko main mar ke bhi nibhaunga

When I am depressed, I listen to the songs from the movie Udaan, all its songs are inspiring. There’s one song by Kelly Clarkson, which is actually my favorite when it comes to inspiration.

“I’ll spread my wings and I’ll learn how to fly
I’ll do what it takes til’ I touch the sky
And I’ll make a wish
Take a chance
Make a change
And breakaway
Out of the darkness and into the sun
But I won’t forget all the ones that I love
I’ll take a risk
Take a chance
Make a change
And breakaway..”

And why am I writing this post today? Because I just mailed him  my last song. I don’t think I’ve any hopes left for our relationship to get any better. I’ve accepted it to be the end. I don’t want to write about the details right now. Though the song in my mind, this whole day was,

“Kahani mohabat ke hai muktasar,
Gaya dil say phir woh na aya idhar,
Kabhi koi tha meri rahon ka ek humsafar,
Kar gaya dil ka woh soon nagar,
Koi rasta na koi dagar,
Usay dhondon kahan, usay paon kahan,
Aaj main hoon yahan, woh kahan?”

I actually don’t like music i guess, it’s the lyrics which attracts me to a song. Rightfully, I am the girl who love words.

Do you relate songs with your life too? What’s your song for today? Do share it here with me.

P.S.  This is for that guy who’ll ever propose me ( I’ll find someone someday ,right?), sing this song for me and I’ll never say no.

“Oh, her eyes, her eyes, make the stars look like they’re not shining
Her hair, her hair, falls perfectly without her trying
She’s so beautiful, and I tell her every day
Yeah, I know, I know, when I compliment her she won’t believe me
And it’s so, it’s so, sad to think that she don’t see what I see
But every time she asks me do I look ok, I say
When I see your face, there’s not a thing that I would change
Cause you’re amazing, just the way you are
And when you smile, the whole world stops and stares for a while
Because girl you’re amazing, just the way you are”

P.P.S. I desperately wanted to write something. I am tired of trying to be strong and determined.

Words With Time

Losing him, I’ve found my words,

Words that make me feel alive again,

Alive with the memories of a dead relation.

There was a time when we were happy,

Happy with what we were.

We were friends in love, that’s what he called us.

The time when he listened to each word I said,

The time when we spent sleepless nights together.

Together we are now, but like strangers.

We are wordless when we talk.

No feelings, no mixed emotions, just compulsions.

The time when I want him to be someone else,

And the time when he wants me to be what I was.

A friend.

But, that wasn’t the only thing we were.

We were friends in love, that’s what he called us.

And so, the times have changed.

Times changed, and words came.

Words that I am writing here.

Words that I want him to read some day.

To understand my pain,

And think of us as ‘us’ again,

Time when we are ‘we’, not just he and me,

Not two separate words but one.

Because,

Losing him, I may have found my words,

Words that make me feel alive again,

But being alive without him is more painful than death.

A Thought

As I think of us tonight,

I wonder,

What could have happened,

if only we were together?

There could have been meetings,

The usual ones at the airport,

Some restaurants, at a friend’s place,

Or the long journeys you dropped me home.

There could have been talks,

Funny, romantic or the future plans,

The heated arguments,

The simple nothings and,

 everything we thought about.

There could have been fights,

The ones we always had,

Over missed calls, forgotten dates,

Games, movies or our wicked fates.

There could have been moments,

The ones we would always remember,

Moments turned into sweet memories,

The closed eyes, the heavy breaths,

And the moments with love, with nervousness.

There could have been passion,

 There could have been tears,

There could have been mistakes,

There could have been fears.

Instead all we have today are voids,

Deeply engraved in our souls.

Voids too deep to heal,

Voids too large to cover,

Voids in our lives, hearts and minds,

Voids too hard to deal.

And as I think of us tonight,

I know,

So much could have been happened,

If only we were together,

Not just meetings, talks, fights, moments,

So much more than the voids we have today,

So much more than the words i wrote here,

 So much more…

 

 

 

 

Until Something Happens…

Every morning I wake up,

Thinking to start afresh,

Hoping to brighten up my day

And live in a new way,

Until something happens,

A song that sounds so familiar,

A thing we planned to buy together,

A road, in the woods, we walked,

A not so funny joke, on which we laughed,

A meaningless poem you wrote for me,

A place we yearned to see.

A reminder to all those memories,

The death of hope, the end of our story.

The flashback stops, with tears in my eyes,

Longing for you, my heart cries.

These nights without you, are the hardest to pass time.

Seconds, minutes and hours pass by,

With a single question on my lips,

Why can’t you be mine?

Eventually, these thoughts fade away,

With a heavy heart I sleep,

And then I see you in my dreams,

I take a step closer to you,

And you walk away.

Shattered, I wake up again,

To a new morning.

Thinking to start afresh,

Hoping to brighten up my day,

And to live in a new way,

Until something happens, again…

 

 

 

Till I Realised

Yes, at times I thought,

I’ll leave everything for you.

Till I realized,

You chose everything over me.

Yes, at times I thought,

You’ll come back to me and say sorry,

Till I realized,

You were too proud to do that.

Yes, at times I thought,

Our love will change the world.

Till I realized,

Our love itself has changed.

Yes, at times I thought,

I’ll be over you.

Till I realized,

It’ll take me forever to do so… 😦

If This Was a Movie

Writing this post sheer out of frustration…please don’t mind.

Sometimes I wish,

I was Kareena,

And my life was a movie named ‘Jab we met’,

And I could just call him some day and say,

‘ Saale kutte kamine samajhta kya hai tu khud ko,

Narak jaega saale tu, wahan bhi chain nhi milega tujhe kamine.

Jal jal ke marega,

Bhaad mai ja

And I could just tell him,

What a miserable loser he is,

To just let me go.

And if I had a printed photo of him,

I would have flushed it,

The same way as in the movie.

But sadly,

I am not Kareena,

And this is not a movie,

But my sucking life!

Gosh, I don’t know what the hell have I written here, but yes it does feel better now.

Thank you for bearing with me and the stupid hindi gaalis I’ve used here.

 

Memories

I’ll keep you alive

In my memories,

So that,

No one can ever repeat,

What you did to me.

I won’t ever erase,

The memories of the times,

You and I spent together,

Because I know now,

These fragments from the past,

Are only going to make me stronger!

 

 

 

Another Love Story From ‘Two States’

When people from Hollywood are busy falling in love with vampires and werewolves, folks here in Bollywood (read India) and not allowed falling in love with humans from different states. Although they all share the same set of 46 chromosomes ( Stephenie Meyer told us that vampires have 50 and werewolves 48), they just can’t fall in love. And if they do, that is not at all good for their lives. And I really do mean LIVES here. But before asking any questions about this, I am going to tell you a story.

So, here we go….

THE PAST

Rituparna, our Bengali bala was a 19 year old girl when she first came to Bangalore, completely unaware of how her life is going to unfold in the next four years in college. A teenager, who had never been in love before, met a guy and she fell in love with him, the day she saw him. Yes, it was love at first sight. The guy, one year senior to her was from the same state, community, caste etc and he proposed her soon enough and Rituparna was in seventh heaven when he did that. They started dating, and everything was a dream come truly for her. Just few months in the relationship and the guy started behaving strangely. He ignored her, never received her calls, and never replied to her texts and eventually he broke up with her. And when she asked him the reason for the break up, he didn’t answer. He just said that he never loved her. That’s it and nothing else. Rituparna was shattered. Her world had come crashing down on her. She did everything to save her relationship but in vain. It was her first love afterall. But nothing worked out. He just left her like that. That day and the six months after that, she was lost. She cried and cried, got drunk, never stayed in hostel, got low grades, did every single thing to hurt herself more. She was miserable, till Sameer came into her life, a classmate and a friend. He supported her, cared for her and even if he got her drunk (on her demands), he would always drop her back to hostel. There was friendship, there was understanding and most importantly there was trust in their relationship. Eventually Sameer fell in love with her (he liked her since the day he first saw her but she got to know this later) and proposed. Rituparna wasn’t ready for a relationship. She has had a bad experience. Adding to that Sameer was not Bengali. He belonged to a really affluent and conservative telugu family. There was clearly no future for the two of them. And therefore she declined. She was happy being friends. They spent a lot of time together, roaming, shopping, fighting, and studying. Sameer and Rituparna were soon a very talked about couple in college. Everyone thought they are dating when infact they were not. Slowly, Rituparna developed feelings for Sameer. She was scared of a relationship but she wanted him to be with her all the time. After almost 7 months being friends they went official with their relationship. They were in love. And from that time till today, two and a half years later they are still in love with each other. They are still friends but in love.

THE PRESENT

Rituparna and Sameer are working in two highly reputed companies in Bangalore. Sameer is also involved in his family business. Rituparna and Sameer both are twenty two. Rituparna’s parents are pressurizing her to get married as she is getting ‘so good rishtas’ now which she won’t get later. Sameer is not ready to tell the truth about their relationship to his family. If he does they’ll both be dead (yes, literally, have you heard about honour killing?). Besides, he’s just twenty two, no guy gets married at such a young age. And the telegu family is never going to accept a Bengali bahu for their ‘ghar ka chiraag’. And as Sameer is not ready to tell his parents about them, Rituparna has no other choice but to get married to a guy of her parent’s choice.

And that’s why they BROKE UP last week.

THE QUESTIONS

1. She fell in love with THE RIGHT GUY (same region) the first time, why he proved himself to be the wrong one.

2. When the guy and the girl love each other so much, what is the need for them to break up?

3.  Do guys from the same state prove to be better husbands?

4. Why is maa- baap’s izzat more valuable than their child’s life?

5. Do we all belong to 28 different states or to one INDIA?

6. Can you think of a solution other than break up?

7. Is 22 really an age to get married just because she is getting good guys? Why cant she get those good guys 2 or 3 years later?

MY TAKE

The Bengali bala I talked about here is the girl with whom I’ve shared the same room for three years. She might be selfish (don’t mind haan roomy) but she loves this guy like anything. And Sameer is one of the nicest souls I’ve ever met. I can tell you I’ve never seen a more decent, caring and fun loving guy in my life. They are just perfect for each other. But the Bengali- Telegu thing is never going to take them anywhere.  Don’t you think if only people are allowed to marry outside their region the hate crimes would only decrease? Don’t you think if a girl from north east was married to a guy from the south, she would have felt more secure in the last north eastern trouble in India? If a Marathi boy got married to a Bihari girl, she would never be called an outsider in Mumbai? And why is so hard for parents to accept that their so called kids who are now adults have a right to choose their life partner?

I named this post as ‘Another Love Story From Two States’ because the great Chetan Bhagat has already written a whole book over it. But alas, not everyone is as lucky and determined as Krish and his wife in ‘2 States’ or the most recent movie ‘Vicky Donor’ where a Punjabi guy marries a divorcee Bengali girl. We can all have a happy ending in movies or a novel but not in real life. In reality, many Rituparna and Sameer have to choose different paths.

It is said that more than 1000 people are killed every year in India because they marry outside their caste or religion.  And these are just the reported cases. There are many others which never come into notice. You can take a glance on the cases of honour killings in India here.

By the way, do you all know what the best part in ‘2 States’ was? It was in the end when the nurse asks Krish about which state his twins would belong (as he belonged to Punjab and his wife to Tamil Nadu) and he answers her that they would belong to a state called INDIA.

Don’t we all belong to INDIA indeed?  What do you think?

P.S.: I won’t mind falling for a vampire or a werewolf too. If only I was allowed to do so…

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