Good girls get married…

Good girls get married.

They go from one house to another,

Coyly smiling with their bright red lips

and mascara stained  eyes,

because only shameless girls

don’t cry during vidaai!

Good girls get married.

They never speak loud and

Always cover up their heads

With a saree,

They apply red bindi, sindoor

And a chain around their neck

To be a sanskari naari.

Good girls get married.

They don’t date random men

they meet on the internet.

They wait for their parents,

to set them up with strangers instead.

Good girls get married.

They remove the tattoos of past lovers

 from their shoulders,

And dye their hands with henna,

they tame their curls and tie them up in a bun,

They keep fasts on Fridays,

Praying for a son.

Good girls don’t swear,

complain or question

old, illogical  traditions,

they follow rules-

neither love nor lust,

without permission.

Good girls don’t laugh out loud,

Or write out poems on their oppression.

Good girls just get married.

Alas, I am not a good girl.

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Image from here.

P.S. Well… Hello People!!!

Five Years Later ( Loving Against The Odds)

It has been a long time since I wrote this post and to be honest I am a little astonished by the traffic this post still gets. This has been the most viewed and most commented post on my blog and may be the only reason I get any amount of hits on my blog. A lot of people search for inter-caste and inter-religion relationships and land up on my blog which makes me wonder how many couples in our country are suffering from the inter caste marriage syndrome (ICMS)! A few of them even mail me either to sympathize with me or to ask me for suggestions on their own relationships. And that my dear friends really scare me because five years later I am still with the same guy.

I wrote that post when I was 21, fresh out of college and in a long distance relationship with a guy for two years. I never really got to leave the guy because such an event never cropped up in my life. Neither my parents decided to marry me off, nor did they get to know of my relationship. My mom to be honest most definitely knows about our relationship but still tries to turn a blind eye to it. She has now met him and even told me that she liked him but I know that deep down she prays to Lord every day that we should just be friends. This is after she practically expects him to drop me to stations, help me when I am sick, accompany me anywhere I have to go alone and totally be my knight in shining armour. May be she’s still living in Satayuga and expects guys to be that friendly and expect nothing in return. (or maybe she is aware of a term called friend zone)

In fact, sans my sister my whole family has now met him and know that we are close. And the fact that they still try to brush us off as friends, that ladies and gentleman is a big problem, because that shows the blind trust they have put on me. I don’t hold grudges against them anymore though. I know where they come from and why they have certain thoughts and beliefs. They are the reason I am able enough to have an opinion of my own and to respect other’s opinion.

So the next question is why I am still hiding this relationship?

That is because I really don’t know if I even want to get married. Marriage fails to interest me. Yes, I do like all the fun and festivities associated with weddings, taking pictures and posting them on social media. I turn green on seeing people getting the opportunity to freely express their love, and would like to have children someday but I don’t know whether the concept of marriage is my cup of tea. There are too many expectations, too much home-bound politics and too many roles to play. This could be because I’ve had many bad experiences with married people or because I don’t see many people around me getting married for the right reasons.

So what is the point of making the relationship public and hurt everyone when I don’t know whether marriage is what I want. Let’s just keep everyone happy for now.

Of course, I can’t be sure that my views won’t change in the coming years. It is very much possible but right now at twenty six I find myself too young to get married. (But in a country where around 90% of females get married before the age of 25, I might be wrong.) Anyway, if the situation comes down to choosing someone between the two, I can honestly say that I want both. In five years I have come far from crying about giving up on my love on the internet to announcing my hatred for marriage, who knows what’s going to happen in the next five years.

For now, the goal is to make something of myself, stop being jealous, try to write more, and to learn Kannada and Bengali. Let me focus on the small things and let the bigger things fall into place.

(To the folks who have landed here to find a solution to their relationship woes, sorry to disappoint you but I am not a love guru. I am just a girl in my mid twenties who writes her own story here. I wish I could bring a change in the society and relieve you of your miseries but that my friend is what you’ll have to do yourself. If is it important enough you’ll find a reason, if not you ‘ll find an excuse)

***

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Making A Choice- Love or Family???

Recently I saw an advertisement in a newspaper about the upcoming sale in a jewellery store. I asked my dad to check out the advertisement, you know in case he wanted to make some jewellery for me, he could do that in cheaper rates. I was actually fooling around but my dad took the advice rather seriously. He declared that he has gone bankrupt after the marriage of my siblings and has nothing left for me. He then said that I should find a suitable guy myself and he’ll only come to the wedding to bless me.

OKAY, my dad said this. I mean MY DAD!!!!

To find a guy myself- matlab a love marriage!!!

I pinched myself just to make sure that it wasn’t a dream.

It wasn’t. He said that for real.

I asked him again, ” Are you serious?”

And he said, “Yes.”

Just when I was busy imagining my till-that-moment-almost-impossible wedding, my dad said, ” But…

(Here comes the BUT in between)

But…

– He must be a Brahmin.

– Just not a Brahmin, but a Kumauni Brahmin. Brahmins from other regions are not allowed.

– He must not be from our Gotra.

– Our horoscopes must match and for that,

-He must be a manglik.

Lo, Ho gayi meri shadi!!!

Matlab what am I supposed to do? If ever i find a guy, am I supposed to give him an application form, listing the eligibility criteria for falling in love with me? I’ve heard about family planning, Now am I supposed to do love planning? And can love be planned? Isn’t it supposed to be a coincidence, a mutual acceptance of one’s assets and faults?

Does the matching of caste,color,creed,class or planets guarantee a successful marriage? I don’t think so. I am not a pro in the subjects as crucial as marriage but i do know that love, understanding, and mutual respect are essential for any relationship to succeed. Unfortunately many Indian parents fail to match these aspects.

I am myself in a relationship with a guy from another caste. We are too young to think about marriage but we do hope to spend our lives together if our relationship succeeds. But for that to happen I’ll have to make a choice and by far I am not strong enough to choose him. And I don’t know if I’ll ever have the strength to do that.

All my close friends were in relationship with guys who either belonged to different castes, region,religions or same gotra, blame it on our education, our so called modern beliefs, the freedom we got or whatever. But eventually they all gave up, some tried, some remained mum. Almost no one among us, decided to fight for love. Is it because our love wasn’t strong enough or are we all a bunch of cowards?

Would you sacrifice your love for your family?

What would you do if you’ve to make a choice?

[ While trying to write a funny post I ended up getting all serious about it. Why can’t I Laugh over Love? To compensate for that, I am adding the following pictures ]

True Story!!!
True Story!!!
Not Quite sure about that!!!
Not Quite sure about that!!!

Indian Relatives: Y U No Mind Business Of Your Own

I hate weddings and i hate relatives and neighbours even more. They have this habit of making you feel inferior in every situation. Well, there’s a wedding nearby, and for that my mom had to wear a saree. Usually she wears salwar kameez, but for these special occasions, due to peer pressure (yes, at this age), she has to wear sarees. As her hand is paralysed, she can’t do this herself, she has to depend on neighbours. So this neighbour/relative was there few minutes ago, who ridiculed me for not knowing how to tie a saree. She didn’t say this in front of me (for her own good) but i could hereher from the next room. The way she was boasting about how her daughter knows how to tie a saree beautifully, much better than her and how i being so grown up must know how to do it. And it felt miserable when my mom had no words to defend me. I wanted to throw her out of our house the very moment. But i would only be considered more bigadi hui if i would have done that. I wanted to tell her the things i knew, or i could do. I can culture a leaf explant and create lakhs of saplings from it, i know who’s the president of Egypt when her daughter wouldn’t even know who’s of India ( i know its lame,but its okay ).I can even work on fields, i love doing that when their chui mui girls won’t step out in the open fearing they might turn a shade darker and consequently won’t get a guy . Yes, that’s the way they treat their girls, they never educate them, they get them married as soon as they turn eighteen. The only aim in the life of girls here in my small town is to get married( that’s what they are taught, to be a good wife, not a woman) even if the guy is a drunkard who’s unable to stand straight on his own marriage. But i am the loser here, because i don’t know how to tie a saree.

My aunt ( My father’s sister) is another one among my tormentors. She ridiculed me right from the time i was a kid, just because i didn’t know how to cook.  While all her daughters knew it very well and mind you she has six daughters… and you know the reason for that, don’t you, all in the hope of getting a son, the chirag. She pinpoints mistakes in everything i do, not only she but also her daughters, all the five who are married and the sixth who is younger to me and behaves as if she’s my grandmother. And seriously none of them is educated more than me, still they make me feel like a fool.

Relatives play the most important part in the life of an Indian. They start from the very day a lady is pregnant, they’ll tell you to eat oranges so that the baby is fair, they’ll tell you not to eat eggplant because then you would give birth to a female. ( seriously i don’t know how can eggplant change the sex of a foetus, but i’ve heard this one from a doctor couple whose daughter-in-law was pregnant, needless to say i stared them in disbelief), they’ll advise you about everything. After the baby is born, they’ll give you the probable names and suggest astrologers to make the baby’s horoscope. After that they’ll suggest schools and tuition teachers. They’ll compare their kids with yours, they’ll make you feel inferior because their kid touches feet and says pranam while your kid only greets people with a namaste, the competition starts right from childhood. After that they’ll drive your kid insane so that he gets a percentage well above 90 in his boards. They’ll ridicule him if  he opts to learn commerce, instead of trying engineering or medical. They’ll force him to rethink his decision.

Marriages are the favorite subject among relatives. As soon as they see a girl of marriageable age, they start emitting electrons here and there, they are so excited to get you married. They weren’t that excited even for their own marriages. They just can’t see single girls in front of them, they feel pity for them, a feeling of social service takes over their senses and they look out for every possible guy. The situation is the same for guys, only that it starts a little later, only when they start earning. They won’t breathe till they  shower their blessings on you and your partner ( and eat in your reception).

Once the wedding gets over, they start speculating whether the girl has conceived or not. Its been 8 months to my brother’s wedding and every neighbour asks my mom, kuch hai?, a direct question, that means is your daughter-in-law expecting. My aunts have actually terrified my sister who has been married for two years with no kids. The only question they ask her, every time they meet her is, when are you going to conceive. That too in purely arranged marriages, which in our community means that you are not even allowed to talk on phone before you get married and you know what, some of them actually have kids exactly in nine months, that means you start a family with a guy whom you don’t even know in the first place. Well, that is a different problem which i’ll talk about in another post.

So, the cycle completes itself, from the time you are a foetus to the time you create one, every decision in your life is influenced by relatives. And it is an inevitable fact of our lives, a sad and a bitter truth. We all are forced to live of the society,by the society and for the society.

I Won’t Rest In Peace

There are no tears in my eyes as I leave this place,

Nor do I feel any pain, no emotions on my face.

This soil now smells of my blood,and

The air is mixed with ashes of my existence.

All my dreams lie shattered on the floor,

My life has ended, destiny has closed its doors.

I wanted to live, wasn’t given that right,

I was silenced even before I could fight.

As my soul rises above, I could see people out on the streets,

Why didn’t they come out to cover up my battered body, at that time of need?

It wasn’t just me who was tormented that night,

Each mark on my corpse depicts a woman’s plight.

Whom should i blame is the question on my mind,

The government,culture or people, they are all the same kind.

The moment you demand justice for me, raise your voices in a protest,

A girl somewhere meets the same fate as mine, her voice is supressed.

And my soul wanders along with those who were snatched the right to live,

We were killed just for being women, none of you can we forgive.

We won’t rest in peace if you just hang a person or two,

You can’t change the world, until you bring a change within you!

courtesy:indiatoday.in

courtesy: indiatoday.in

Bhaiyya, ye husband kitne ka diya?

A friend of mine has finally managed to find a guy for herself. Actually her father has finally managed to buy a husband for her. After months and months of bargaining, the price (dowry) has been decided. It is Rs. 12 lakhs in cash+ lots of gold+ a CAR and mind you,  it must not just be a car, but a CAAARRR!( Hope you’ve seen that CAR commercial)

The Bride’s family members are very happy, specially her mom. Okay, you must be surprised by her happiness like I was. Why is she so happy to give away such a huge amount of money? Well she has 3 male children, after the only daughter. Jitna jaa rha hai usse three times jyada wapas aayega. And adding to that, the first son has done an MBA, and is working abroad. Yippee, ye to jackpot hai!

In her exact words, ” Uska to 30 lakh se kam koi dega hi nahi.”

To me it sounded like I am in a sabji market.

Kaka, is baar aloo ki fasal kafi achchi hui hai, iska 20 Rs/ kg se kam to milega nahi.

My friend told me its very common to put a price to guys according to their profession or qualification. He told me that the rate of a Thelewala is around 1.5 lakh. As I was thinking about the thelewala, a really interesting situation came to my mind. What if there was a market to sell husbands? How cool would be that!

All you have to do is imagine a market, lets call it the Dulha street and a thelewala selling husbands on his thela. And there are two girls, Mona and Sona, out their to shop for a husband for Mona.

Thelewala: Husband le lo, husband. Naye naye, fresh husband!

Mona: Hey Sona, look that thela there, it seems to have a nice stock.

Sona: Chal jake check kar lete hain.

Mona: Bhaiyya, Mere liye husband chahiye.

Thelewala: Aao aao madam, yahan sab type ke husband milenge.

Sona: Bhaiyya, Soch samajh ke dikhana, sasta or tikaau hi chahiye.

Thelewala: Ye lo madam, bilkul fresh maal hai, Aaj hi aaya hai. MNC mai kaam krta hai, eklauta beta hai. And apna khud ka family business bhi hai.

Mona: Ahaan, Baki sab to thik hai but iska complexion mujhse match nhi hota. Jara dekh na Sona.

Sona: Haan yaar. Not at all matching. Thoda or dark hona tha. Ye cancel bhaiyya. Koi or dikhao.

Thelewala: Ye lo madam, engineer hai, 25 years age, Young and dashing!

Sona and Mona started whispering: Ye sahi lagta hai. He was too cute.

Mona: Bhaiyya ye husband kam or boyfriend material jyada lagta hai.

Thelewala: To boyfriend hi bana lo madam. Uska to daam bhi kam hai.

Mona: Daam kyun kam hai iska?

Thelewala: Arre madam , husband mai background check, family check, income check sab karna padta hai. Or upar se lifelong warranty deni padti hai. Boyfriend to temporary hai, and i’ll also give you 2 years warranty.

Sona: Or agar ye 2 saal se pehle dhoke baaj nikla to?

Thelewala: To 70% cashback ya on the spot replacement.

Sona to Mona: Yaar this is good, jyada risk bhi nahi hai.

Mona: Have you gone mad? Mom asked me to buy a husband, not a boyfriend. Tujhe to pta hai, Mom ko faltu kharch bilkul pasand nahi. And they don’t even have a background check on boyfriends. What if he turned out to be a fraud?

Sona: You are right. Bhaiyya, boyfriend nahi chahiye, husband hi dikhao.

Thelewala pulls out another one. The guy has long hairs, exactly like Salman Khan in Tere Naam.

Mona screams: Kya Bhaiyya, Itna purana stock kyun dikha rhe ho. Ab Dabanng ka jamana hai, Tere naam ke din gaye. Waise usse yaad aaya, aapke pass Salman Khan nahi hain, wo bhi to bachelor hi hain na.

Thelewala: No madam, wo designer maal hai, kahan local market mai milega? Or jahan tak mujhe pata hai, Salman Khan abhi kahin bhi available nahi hai.

Sona: Achcha bhaiyya, but koi pirated ya duplicate to milega na?

Thelewala: Kyun nhi madam!Ye lo, London based MBA hai and very rich family. Only for Rs. 25 lakh.

Sona and Mona checked out the guy. He was good, smart, handsome and an NRI. Ye to jackpot lag gaya hath!

Mona: Bhaiyya, iska price thoda jyada hai. Kuch to kam karo.

Thelewala: No madam, its a fixed price shop. And I’ve told you very less price. Or jagah ye bahout costly milega.

Mona observed him closely. She found something wrong with his nose.

Mona: Bhaiyya, iski to naak tedhi hai. Manufacturing defect hai bhaiyya, ab to discout dena hi pdega.

Thelewala: Kahan madam, kuch bhi to nahi hai.

Mona: See Bhaiyya, ek to defective maal upar se full price, ye to galat hua na?

As Mona was busy arguing with the thelewala, Sona was checking out other shops and suddenly she screamed.

Sona: Hey Mona, look there. Those are the shoes we were looking out for ,since so many days. You know na, they are so in these days.

Mona: OMG, look those are the blue ones i always wanted to buy. Lets go there.

Thelewala: Par Madam , ye husband?

Mona: Arre bhaiyya, baad mai dekh lenge. pehle hamein shoes lene do. Sona, run before they get sold out.

Thelewala: Madam stop, I’ll give you 10% discount. Wait madam. Please.

No one could stop the two girls now. Not even a discount!

Thelewala looked at the NRI dulha and said: Ab tu yahan kya khada hai? Saala din hi khraab hai. Ek bhi dulha nahi bika. Khali peeli time waste ho gaya. Ja apni jagah jake khade ho! Hurrrr… nalayak!

The two girls came out of the shoe store, satisfied with the shoes they’ve just bought.

Sona: Maje aa gye yaar, we finally got the shoes. But yaar ghar jake danth to nahi pdegi. Yaad hai na husband lena tha.

Mona: Chill yaar. I’ll tell mom ki koi achcha hi nahi lga. And didn’t you see that board, it says there will be a new years sale in January. Jab same maal aadhe price mai milega tab le lenge.

The two girls went home, taking with them the shoes they wanted so badly. (You know girls right, they’ll go out to buy furniture and bring back hairclips, shoes instead of a husband is no big deal!)

*****

And as I write this story here, I sincerely hope that like passing of the FDI bill has paved  the way for a Walmart store in India, soon we can also have a Dulha market. And to lessen the burden of dowry, government should introduce subsidy in dulhas. We can’t have subsidized LPG cylinders, but we can have Subsidized Husbands, right?

The Bride, Who Died!

The day I first saw him,

I fell in love,

For the first time.

He was everything I ever wanted,

The man of my dreams,

We were engaged soon,

And in a month was our wedding.

We talked over phone sometimes,

As we weren’t allowed to meet,

The first time, he told me he loved me,

I could hear my own heartbeats.

Finally the day arrived,

The day I wore a red dress,

And he got down from a white horse,

Looking like a handsome prince,

He stretched his hand for me to hold,

And I did just that,

Among rituals, chants, blessings and more,

We vowed to be one till death.

With a heavy heart and tearful eyes,

I left my home for a new life…

*****

The first day at my new home,

I already knew something was wrong,

Since the very day, I was treated like trash,

I was cursed as I didn’t bring enough cash.

The prince charming lost his charm,

The very day he bruised my arm,

Hurling abuses, he said he never wanted me,

All he wanted was more money.

I was sent back home, to fulfill their greed,

But there was nothing left with my parents to give.

Everyday I was told, I was a burden not a need,

With each moment I lost my desire to live.

I thought things would change with a budding life inside me,

I was proved wrong again, I was beaten up till it bleed.

Unconscious, I laid on the floor, all I could smell was kerosene,

I had no strength left to fight, and then the fire crept in.

I could see smiling faces behind those burning flames,

I smiled back at them, felt no pain, as I was going to a better place.

And all miseries came to an end, as my soul left that burning flesh!

Death is peaceful, easy.

It was life that was hard.  

 [One woman dies in India every hour in a dowry related case. Came across one such incident in today’s newspaper, it was pathetic. Is there an end to it? I’ve no answer. ]

The Arranged Marriage

And they met one day,

Two strangers,

Ten minutes to decide on their lives.

Few questions asked,

Infinite unspoken words,

And the decision was made.

Three months passed,

And they met again,

Only on their wedding day.

Stolen glances,

Hidden smiles,

Endless emotions in their eyes,

No one could say, it’s their second meeting,

Looked like they knew each other since years,

They already seemed so much in love.

Love that has only grown with time.

And whenever I see them I wonder,

How did they know it would be alright?

‘They just knew it’, they say,

An inner voice told them,

They were born to be one someday.

Love never ceases to amaze me,

Sometimes we find love in moments,

And sometimes it takes an eternity.

The First Touch

 [Inspired by my own sister’s arranged marriage. Found it really difficult to understand how they took such an important decision of their life in ten minutes, but when i see them now, i can’t help but smile to see the love they feel for each other. The love and friendship which has only grown in two years]

Another Love Story From ‘Two States’

When people from Hollywood are busy falling in love with vampires and werewolves, folks here in Bollywood (read India) and not allowed falling in love with humans from different states. Although they all share the same set of 46 chromosomes ( Stephenie Meyer told us that vampires have 50 and werewolves 48), they just can’t fall in love. And if they do, that is not at all good for their lives. And I really do mean LIVES here. But before asking any questions about this, I am going to tell you a story.

So, here we go….

THE PAST

Rituparna, our Bengali bala was a 19 year old girl when she first came to Bangalore, completely unaware of how her life is going to unfold in the next four years in college. A teenager, who had never been in love before, met a guy and she fell in love with him, the day she saw him. Yes, it was love at first sight. The guy, one year senior to her was from the same state, community, caste etc and he proposed her soon enough and Rituparna was in seventh heaven when he did that. They started dating, and everything was a dream come truly for her. Just few months in the relationship and the guy started behaving strangely. He ignored her, never received her calls, and never replied to her texts and eventually he broke up with her. And when she asked him the reason for the break up, he didn’t answer. He just said that he never loved her. That’s it and nothing else. Rituparna was shattered. Her world had come crashing down on her. She did everything to save her relationship but in vain. It was her first love afterall. But nothing worked out. He just left her like that. That day and the six months after that, she was lost. She cried and cried, got drunk, never stayed in hostel, got low grades, did every single thing to hurt herself more. She was miserable, till Sameer came into her life, a classmate and a friend. He supported her, cared for her and even if he got her drunk (on her demands), he would always drop her back to hostel. There was friendship, there was understanding and most importantly there was trust in their relationship. Eventually Sameer fell in love with her (he liked her since the day he first saw her but she got to know this later) and proposed. Rituparna wasn’t ready for a relationship. She has had a bad experience. Adding to that Sameer was not Bengali. He belonged to a really affluent and conservative telugu family. There was clearly no future for the two of them. And therefore she declined. She was happy being friends. They spent a lot of time together, roaming, shopping, fighting, and studying. Sameer and Rituparna were soon a very talked about couple in college. Everyone thought they are dating when infact they were not. Slowly, Rituparna developed feelings for Sameer. She was scared of a relationship but she wanted him to be with her all the time. After almost 7 months being friends they went official with their relationship. They were in love. And from that time till today, two and a half years later they are still in love with each other. They are still friends but in love.

THE PRESENT

Rituparna and Sameer are working in two highly reputed companies in Bangalore. Sameer is also involved in his family business. Rituparna and Sameer both are twenty two. Rituparna’s parents are pressurizing her to get married as she is getting ‘so good rishtas’ now which she won’t get later. Sameer is not ready to tell the truth about their relationship to his family. If he does they’ll both be dead (yes, literally, have you heard about honour killing?). Besides, he’s just twenty two, no guy gets married at such a young age. And the telegu family is never going to accept a Bengali bahu for their ‘ghar ka chiraag’. And as Sameer is not ready to tell his parents about them, Rituparna has no other choice but to get married to a guy of her parent’s choice.

And that’s why they BROKE UP last week.

THE QUESTIONS

1. She fell in love with THE RIGHT GUY (same region) the first time, why he proved himself to be the wrong one.

2. When the guy and the girl love each other so much, what is the need for them to break up?

3.  Do guys from the same state prove to be better husbands?

4. Why is maa- baap’s izzat more valuable than their child’s life?

5. Do we all belong to 28 different states or to one INDIA?

6. Can you think of a solution other than break up?

7. Is 22 really an age to get married just because she is getting good guys? Why cant she get those good guys 2 or 3 years later?

MY TAKE

The Bengali bala I talked about here is the girl with whom I’ve shared the same room for three years. She might be selfish (don’t mind haan roomy) but she loves this guy like anything. And Sameer is one of the nicest souls I’ve ever met. I can tell you I’ve never seen a more decent, caring and fun loving guy in my life. They are just perfect for each other. But the Bengali- Telegu thing is never going to take them anywhere.  Don’t you think if only people are allowed to marry outside their region the hate crimes would only decrease? Don’t you think if a girl from north east was married to a guy from the south, she would have felt more secure in the last north eastern trouble in India? If a Marathi boy got married to a Bihari girl, she would never be called an outsider in Mumbai? And why is so hard for parents to accept that their so called kids who are now adults have a right to choose their life partner?

I named this post as ‘Another Love Story From Two States’ because the great Chetan Bhagat has already written a whole book over it. But alas, not everyone is as lucky and determined as Krish and his wife in ‘2 States’ or the most recent movie ‘Vicky Donor’ where a Punjabi guy marries a divorcee Bengali girl. We can all have a happy ending in movies or a novel but not in real life. In reality, many Rituparna and Sameer have to choose different paths.

It is said that more than 1000 people are killed every year in India because they marry outside their caste or religion.  And these are just the reported cases. There are many others which never come into notice. You can take a glance on the cases of honour killings in India here.

By the way, do you all know what the best part in ‘2 States’ was? It was in the end when the nurse asks Krish about which state his twins would belong (as he belonged to Punjab and his wife to Tamil Nadu) and he answers her that they would belong to a state called INDIA.

Don’t we all belong to INDIA indeed?  What do you think?

P.S.: I won’t mind falling for a vampire or a werewolf too. If only I was allowed to do so…

***

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Because I Love A Guy From Another Caste

I am a Brahmin by birth. Brahmins in Hindu religion are considered to be the highest caste among the four castes or varnas.

 In my 21 years and 6 months of existence the only paap (sin) I have committed is falling in love with a guy from an ST(scheduled tribe) category.

Yes, I am a dhabba for my family and the society I live in.

And the only reason I am living with dignity till now is that no one knows about my paap.

Yes I am in a relationship from this guy from the past 2 years and no one knows about it except few of my friends. The younger generation of my family (sister, sister-in-law, cousins) do have an idea about it but even they are not sure and that’s because it’s a little dark secret of mine. Not even our close friends know about it. That’s because we belong to a very small town and we cant take the risk of letting our friends from that town know about us. Small towns are always dangerous. News like these spread fast. And if the news of this paap leaks out, we both will be dead (not literally)

My family like most Indian middle class families is very conservative. No one ever had a love marriage in my family. Leave my family, no one in the entire khandan, village ever had a love marriage. My own sister and brother got married as per my parent’s choice. My sister got married to a guy she only met once for 10 minutes (I still find it unbelievable).  Though they are happy in their lives, I am not. And that’s because I am in love with A. How we fell in love, our story is what I write in my posts ‘In love by default’, and that is not something I am going to discuss here.

Coming to A’s family, they are a little better than mine. Though it doesn’t mean they’ll be all happy about it but in the end they are going to accept it. Adding to that he’s a boy (ghar ka Deepak), no one’s going to lose their son because he married a girl of his choice. Eventually they’ll accept it.

As for me, a girl, I’ve to make a choice- either my love or my family.

And I can’t choose my love as I can’t let my parents die. I am a coward, if that’s what you call me. I’ve tried to change them indirectly many times, I’ve tried to get their opinion and now I know, its impossible to expect that they’ll any day accept it. Leave their acceptance, they’ll die of shame if their daughter does something like that. I can go against the society but not against my parents, not against the ones who gave me life. And I am sorry for that, sorry to everyone who thought I’ll make a different decision.

Sorry, I cant bring a change in the society by killing my parents, their hopes, their aspirations.

I was born a Brahmin and it wasn’t my fault. I am not religious, but I am not an atheist too. I do believe in god. But I don’t believe in unnecessary customs or practices going on in the society in the name of culture. Its their belief not mine. I want to be independent. I believe in equality in terms of religion, race,  caste or sex. The ones showing off in the name of religion is just not me. I don’t know why no one has a right to decide whom they want in their lives and whom they don’t.

My mother says that love marriages never work. May be they don’t, but who says arranged marriages are always happier. May be someday I’ll have differences with A and we’ll break up (most of the times the reason is we don’t have any future!), but that would be my choice.  Yes, we fight a lot and may be this time is the last time we are together but he was never wrong alone. I was wrong too. And it was just our decision. Who guarantees I’ll be happy with the guy I’ll never meet and just marry for my parent’s sake.

And the truth is I never had a choice in my life. They decided my school, my college, the way I’ll dress, the places I can go, the things I can do and the things I can’t. And I was a good girl till I fell in love but that wasn’t something I planned. It just happened. I avoided it to the best of my efforts but eventually I had to admit that I had feelings for him. I left him many times. I’ve hurt him and in this process of denying this love I’ve hurt myself countless times. But I never promised him that we’ll be together. That was my condition. I never assured him of any future, because I know my family. They can accept my decision of spending my entire life alone but not with a guy from the other caste. It’s not like they’ll kill me or anything but if I ever choose him, I know they’ll die and I can’t let something like that happen.

It hurts to call the most beautiful part of your life a paap but I’ve no other choice. I’ve tears in my eyes when I am writing this, yet again I’ve no choice.

So this is for you A (if you ever read this in your lifetime):

I don’t know for how long we’ll be together but I’ll keep loving you till the end of time. No caste, no religion can ever erase the love and the memories we’ve had and we’ll make. I won’t ask you ever to spend your life alone and wait for me all your life. I want to see you happy. I want to see your kids with those small eyes (yes, I won’t stop teasing you for your eyes in this serious post too), same as you have and I promise I won’t feel bad because this would be the second choice I’ll ever make in my life- this choice of not being with you. 

The first was when I made a choice to love you.

 

UPDATE:

I can’t believe I was dumb enough to write this post. This post makes me cringe too hard. I want to delete it, because this is just not me. I am not the girl I used to be. I don’t know how many people I have offended by writing this: Women, Scheduled Castes and Tribes, Parents, Lovers. I am deeply sorry if I have hurt you in any way. If you have come here to find an answer to your woes, I am sorry to disappoint you. Fight, if it worth it. BE brave and stick to your decisions and don’t do anything you would regret in your last days.

I haven’t given up, not yet!

{ 20/07/2017: Five years later read the part two here. }

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[ For another story under this category, check out Another Love story from Two States]

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