Good girls get married…

Good girls get married.

They go from one house to another,

Coyly smiling with their bright red lips

and mascara stained  eyes,

because only shameless girls

don’t cry during vidaai!

Good girls get married.

They never speak loud and

Always cover up their heads

With a saree,

They apply red bindi, sindoor

And a chain around their neck

To be a sanskari naari.

Good girls get married.

They don’t date random men

they meet on the internet.

They wait for their parents,

to set them up with strangers instead.

Good girls get married.

They remove the tattoos of past lovers

 from their shoulders,

And dye their hands with henna,

they tame their curls and tie them up in a bun,

They keep fasts on Fridays,

Praying for a son.

Good girls don’t swear,

complain or question

old, illogical  traditions,

they follow rules-

neither love nor lust,

without permission.

Good girls don’t laugh out loud,

Or write out poems on their oppression.

Good girls just get married.

Alas, I am not a good girl.

33dbdc06994b7bf8129009b09039e467

Image from here.

P.S. Well… Hello People!!!

The Virushka Wedding and my Love for Gossip…

I realized I have no friends when yesterday I had literally no one to talk about the Virushka wedding. So, Virat Kohli used to be my celebrity crush back when I was young, he was young, we were all young. (Disclaimer: I am not that old) Though I crushed my crush way back, yet as soon as the wedding pictures came into social media I had this huge urge to discuss everything right from Anushka’s beautiful lehenga, the precious smiles on both their faces, the lovely wedding venue and the cute engagement video with another human. I let myself go yesterday in the world of leaked pictures and all the gossip behind them.

24909968_1386666144776998_4789311778234648681_n

I used to be a shy and reserved girl in my under grad. I would never talk to guys and keep myself away from anything fun. Yes, I had girl friends and we used to talk a lot but it was different. I was an introvert. College ended, and so did my introversion. I was dying to go to a new place and find a new me. Luckily, I got into a good college for my post grad and met people who were so like me and I made it a point to never shy away from anything. I really enjoyed my two years of college. And I really credit my blog for that. It is here where I really learned to talk, to be myself, to actually realize what I like and what I would like to be with people. I didn’t like being a reserved person. I was like that because of where and how I was raised by my parents. I wasn’t me but was their shadow. If I didn’t like anything, it was because I was never allowed to do anything on my own. I had deep seated ideals I never wanted to break. And it is not like I don’t have any ideals now. I do. But, they are what I believe in. For instance, I am still an alcohol virgin; because I choose to be so, because that is one path I would never like to tread on.

So, blogging actually made me a chatter box. But for the last two years, I actually made no new friends. The only new people I met were my flat mates with whom I had nothing in common and then some friends of my guy (who is the biggest introvert I know). And my old friends, well some got married, some are pregnant, some have kids, some got married and forgot to invite me despite me being their agony aunt for several years. Basically, everyone had moved on from the days where we would talk about celebrity weddings.

This left no one but my guy. He has chosen to stay with me despite seeing me at all levels of craziness. So, I bugged him for hours, sent him screenshots of the wedding from social media, and ohhhed and aaahed at how beautiful everything was. Midway our conversation he reminded me that just yesterday at lunch I had listed twenty things about why marriages are stupid and a waste of money and how I used to like wedding pictures earlier but find them too pretentious now especially with people posing like movie stars and mimicking fairytales.

Well, I admit I said those things but I think I might want to tweak my theory a little bit. Marriage is stupid but not for Virat and Anushka. And when they pose for pictures, they aren’t actually posing; they are stars in real life. Their life is actually a fairytale. It is mortals like us, who suffer after spending hefty amounts on one wedding. According to a study, an average Indian spends about one fifth of the wealth accumulated in his lifetime over one wedding ceremony. So, I am not entirely wrong.

Anyway, I hope by writing it all here, I have managed to suppress my urge to gossip. I could go back to being normal now. The only other news that could break my gossip hibernation is if Salman Khan decides to get married and I don’t see that happening anytime in the near future.

(I had no intention to hurt people who are married/ or would like to get married. These are entirely my thoughts, conditioned by all the screwed up marriages I have seen around me. Don’t let my thoughts bother you.)

Five Years Later ( Loving Against The Odds)

It has been a long time since I wrote this post and to be honest I am a little astonished by the traffic this post still gets. This has been the most viewed and most commented post on my blog and may be the only reason I get any amount of hits on my blog. A lot of people search for inter-caste and inter-religion relationships and land up on my blog which makes me wonder how many couples in our country are suffering from the inter caste marriage syndrome (ICMS)! A few of them even mail me either to sympathize with me or to ask me for suggestions on their own relationships. And that my dear friends really scare me because five years later I am still with the same guy.

I wrote that post when I was 21, fresh out of college and in a long distance relationship with a guy for two years. I never really got to leave the guy because such an event never cropped up in my life. Neither my parents decided to marry me off, nor did they get to know of my relationship. My mom to be honest most definitely knows about our relationship but still tries to turn a blind eye to it. She has now met him and even told me that she liked him but I know that deep down she prays to Lord every day that we should just be friends. This is after she practically expects him to drop me to stations, help me when I am sick, accompany me anywhere I have to go alone and totally be my knight in shining armour. May be she’s still living in Satayuga and expects guys to be that friendly and expect nothing in return. (or maybe she is aware of a term called friend zone)

In fact, sans my sister my whole family has now met him and know that we are close. And the fact that they still try to brush us off as friends, that ladies and gentleman is a big problem, because that shows the blind trust they have put on me. I don’t hold grudges against them anymore though. I know where they come from and why they have certain thoughts and beliefs. They are the reason I am able enough to have an opinion of my own and to respect other’s opinion.

So the next question is why I am still hiding this relationship?

That is because I really don’t know if I even want to get married. Marriage fails to interest me. Yes, I do like all the fun and festivities associated with weddings, taking pictures and posting them on social media. I turn green on seeing people getting the opportunity to freely express their love, and would like to have children someday but I don’t know whether the concept of marriage is my cup of tea. There are too many expectations, too much home-bound politics and too many roles to play. This could be because I’ve had many bad experiences with married people or because I don’t see many people around me getting married for the right reasons.

So what is the point of making the relationship public and hurt everyone when I don’t know whether marriage is what I want. Let’s just keep everyone happy for now.

Of course, I can’t be sure that my views won’t change in the coming years. It is very much possible but right now at twenty six I find myself too young to get married. (But in a country where around 90% of females get married before the age of 25, I might be wrong.) Anyway, if the situation comes down to choosing someone between the two, I can honestly say that I want both. In five years I have come far from crying about giving up on my love on the internet to announcing my hatred for marriage, who knows what’s going to happen in the next five years.

For now, the goal is to make something of myself, stop being jealous, try to write more, and to learn Kannada and Bengali. Let me focus on the small things and let the bigger things fall into place.

(To the folks who have landed here to find a solution to their relationship woes, sorry to disappoint you but I am not a love guru. I am just a girl in my mid twenties who writes her own story here. I wish I could bring a change in the society and relieve you of your miseries but that my friend is what you’ll have to do yourself. If is it important enough you’ll find a reason, if not you ‘ll find an excuse)

***

Follow me on Instagram, Facebook, Twitter.

That Thing Called Marriage

This February when I got the news of my best friend from high school giving birth to a baby girl, I looked at the disheveled pile of notebooks lying on my chair, the cobwebs adorning the corners of my study table, the always-ready-to-fall-down clothes in my cupboard and asked my roommate, how is it possible that people my age are taking out an entire human being out of their bodies and taking care of it while I am barely able to take care of myself! When I asked a mutual friend of ours the same question she texted me this,

Mujhe lag rha hai logon ke bachche bhi ho gye, bas mai hi peeche reh gayi, meri shadi bhi nhi hui ab tak. Kab basaungi mai apna ghar?

I was perplexed by her thoughts. Was I the only one who thought we were too young? I mean we are just in the 24-26 age group, what’s the hurry? But apparently everyone is in a hurry as is evident by the constant wedding updates on my Facebook feed. It’s like everyone I know is getting married. That innocent girl from secondary school who never talked to anyone, the Punjabi sherni from high school, all my south Indian classmates from college, almost every day I wish someone on Facebook  to have a happy married life!!!  And then I go into this deep depression mode… yaar hum itne bade kab ho gye? Seriously, I can’t imagine myself getting married.

Falling in love – OK

Having a boyfriend – OK

Live-in – OK

But Shadi- Kaise yaar!!!

There is this thing in our community where as soon as the bride reaches her sasural, she has to dance or show how to play a dholak, or both. No one considers that she has come there after spending hours, even days in those torturous wedding rituals. Everyone is interested to see her dance or sing. Every time I think of marriage, this dancing scene comes into my mind.  She is going to be a wife, not a reality show contestant yaar!!!

Don’t get me wrong, I love weddings- new dresses, shoes, gifts, all the dhama-chaukari. One can actually see me teary eyed while watching those mushy wedding videos they make these days, and what can I say about the magnificent photography (simply wow)! It’s like if I could get married for a day, and then say goodbye to everyone, including the husband.

woman

          A Kumaoni Bride…

I can be in a relationship (much better be single) all my life, but marriage frightens me. I am in love with this guy for five years, and yes we used to talk about marriage and all when we were teenagers (hence stupid), but right now, I just can’t imagine myself in that red bridal dress.

When a childhood friend of mine got married two years ago, I kept staring at her pictures with that big kumaoni nath on her nose and a mangalsutra on her neck, and I was like,

Oh My God!! Why is she wearing a nath? Isn’t that for old people? She is just a kid like me. How can she get married so early? And so on…

I couldn’t get out of the shock of her marriage. I guess this is somehow related to my fear of growing up. I think I was twelve when I came to know that girls have periods upon reaching puberty. From that time, every single day I was scared to be an “adult”. While I heard stories of it from my classmates, I secretly prayed for that “period monster” to never show up. Alas, it knocked on my doors (hehe) when I was fourteen. And me, being an idiot didn’t tell anyone, hid myself and kept crying.

Well, that was the first phase of the process of growing up, upon which I had no control of my own. It was a natural process and it happened. But getting married would be like, aa bail mujhe maar, and I have no intention of doing that. I can’t get married and grow up again, not so soon, and hopefully never.

*****

Pic courtesy: here

The Journey Of life

I am fascinated by people, their lives and their stories. There is something interesting in the ordinary lives and gestures of people that touch my heart and prompts me to write about the things I see. I wasn’t this way earlier, I wasn’t interested in people before, it’s only when I’ve started writing, I’ve become an observer. I see and I write, I read and I write some more. A train journey has always been a source of inspiration, a medium to know people. As I travel to Delhi today, I witness the similarity between our lives and a train journey. We board a train, pass different stations, interact with people, encounter fields, rivers, and bridges to finally reach our destination. The next 7 hours in this train is my chance to witness life as it is…

 As I write this, I see people from all the stages of life travelling along with me. There is this little girl, sitting on her father’s lap who is smiling all the time. Contrary to the other kids her age, I haven’t seen her crying a single time. I haven’t seen such a happy toddler before. Watching her from a distance, I reminisce about my childhood, about the times I was a happy kid just like her. My mom told me that I was a cheerful little girl who would never cry, never throw tantrums and would always smile no matter what. I wonder how time has changed me into a depressed soul. I miss the times I was as carefree as her.

A guy who almost looks my age is sitting in the opposite row. Every time my eyes turn towards him, I find him staring at me and as soon as his eyes meet mine, he looks away. I wonder what he’s thinking about. Do I look like an insane stranger who is scribbling things on her notepad, or do I look like a long lost sister or girlfriend? Well, I wonder if he’s thinking about me at all. I can only assume things, that is the best thing about writing, you can write your own stories, you can make anyone a priest or a rapist. It all depends on your imagination.

A newlywed couple is sitting right next to me. It’s easy to spot newly married Indian girls with their bright clothes, arms adorned with henna and bangles, though it’s much difficult to identify married men, they always look the same. Coming back to the couple, initially they looked completely smitten with each other, you know, holding hands, smiling, looking into each other’s eyes and all the other gestures but midway through the journey, they had a huge fight. I pretended to be asleep but heard the whole argument. The guy was angry as one of the girl’s friend called him fatty. I don’t know how such petty reasons led to such a serious fight. They didn’t speak for the rest of the journey. The girl actually apologized and tried to solve the matter but the guy was hell bent on destroying those beautiful moments of their life. I wonder how people who had vowed to spend the rest of their lives together just a day or two before, found it so hard to avoid fights over insignificant issues. May be that’s how it is and things get better with time. I predict this, seeing another couple who are sitting on my other side. They look completely at ease with one another, happy, content and understanding. They were chatting when the journey started, slept in between, had lunch and slept again. They kind of followed a routine. Is this how life turns out to be- a routine?

To find my answer I start looking for more people and I observe an old man sitting diagonally opposite to me. He’s travelling with his wife and is reading Five Point Someone, such unusual choice for an old man. I have never seen old folks reading Chetan Bhagat’s books, I wonder what made him pick up this book. I had read this book when I was in high school and was 15 years old. I see him laugh while reading the book, and I wonder if he’s finding the same things funny as I did. They say old people start behaving like kids at some point of time; I assume it to be true.

This journey from a little girl to an old man fascinates me in every way possible. I’ll probably forget these people and their faces as soon as I get down from this train, what I won’t forget would be the things I saw, the feelings I deciphered, the little girl and her comparison to my own childhood, the young guy staring me and those instances when his eyes met mine, the newlywed couple with their small differences, the routine life of another couple and an old man with an unusual choice for a book at his age. With this train journey I witnessed the different stations of life, stations I’ve already passed and stations I’ll encounter in my journey further. There’s so much more left to experience.

My journey by this train would be over in the next fifteen minutes, and the journey of my life, well I hope it lasts for a much longer time…

The Unforgettable Train Journey...

The Unforgettable Train Journey…

 ( Written on a train on 16 May 2013)

What Does My Horoscope Say?

My parents and all the other elder members in my family firmly believe in horoscopes or kundali as we say it in Hindi. The first step in finding a match for a person in my family is to

match their horoscope with the prospective bride/groom. The perfect matching of the horoscope is a must for any marriage to take place. Marriage is not the only occasion where horoscopes are considered, in fact they play a vital role in almost every occasion in our lives, right from birth to death. Therefore, whenever anyone in the family faces any problem in life, relatives start suggesting astrologers who can find solutions to those problems or can read our entire future.

Owing to my current situation( no college, no job) my mom decided to show my horoscope to one of these astrologers who is also a close relative of ours. Now he is a really renowned astrologer who even have contacts with The Ekta Kapoor and his entire television clan. Though he doesn’t practice astrology on a regular basis, people say he’s blessed with a vast amount of knowledge.

Following are the top five predictions he made about my life and mine and my family’s reaction to each one of them. My reactions are obviously within my mind.

Prediction 1: She’s very lucky.

Family: See, you are lucky, you’ll definitely get through this exam. Now, don’t cry saying that you are unlucky. God has blessed you with luck.

Me: Let’s get out of here. He doesn’t know anything. The first prediction itself is wrong.

Prediction 2: She’s very short tempered. But its not her fault. Its all because of the planet Mars that is residing within her kundali. Make her wear a ring of red coral and everything will be fine.

Family: Don’t we need to do any pooja. A ring would do or anything else. We are fed up of her rebellious behaviour.

Me: Right, me having Mars in my horoscope makes me rebellious. Whatever you say! At least i’ll get a ring. 😉 He’s not even that bad.

Prediction 3: She’ll go abroad to do her PhD, most probably to a country whose name starts with C. I am very sure about this one. Change my name if this doesn’t happen.

Family: Must be Canada. What are the other countries with C, China, Cuba, Cambodia…. the list goes on!

Me: Bhai PG krne k liye itni phati padi hai, tu mujhe doctorate karwa le!! x-( Which name would you prefer, Champu ya Chirkut, tell me that?

Prediction 4: She’ll do something that no one is our family has ever done.

Family: She’s definitely gonna kill someone. With this temper of hers that is the only thing she can do. She’ll ruin our name someday.

Me: OMG! Does he know of my plan to elope and get married. I am dead. Hide me some where. 😦

Prediction 5: She’ll prove to be a great wife and an ideal daughter in law.

Family: hahahaha…hohohoho..can’t control. Omg.. hahahaha

Me: No comments!!! ( Beizzati ki bhi had hoti hai yaar)

This is it. I don’t know how many of these predictions will actually come true. I don’t really believe that someone can predict our future, that too by seeing our horoscopes. And in case these predictions do come true someday, you can contact me to get our astrologer’s number. I’ll be happy to help! 🙂

source:google images

source:google images

The Bride, Who Died!

The day I first saw him,

I fell in love,

For the first time.

He was everything I ever wanted,

The man of my dreams,

We were engaged soon,

And in a month was our wedding.

We talked over phone sometimes,

As we weren’t allowed to meet,

The first time, he told me he loved me,

I could hear my own heartbeats.

Finally the day arrived,

The day I wore a red dress,

And he got down from a white horse,

Looking like a handsome prince,

He stretched his hand for me to hold,

And I did just that,

Among rituals, chants, blessings and more,

We vowed to be one till death.

With a heavy heart and tearful eyes,

I left my home for a new life…

*****

The first day at my new home,

I already knew something was wrong,

Since the very day, I was treated like trash,

I was cursed as I didn’t bring enough cash.

The prince charming lost his charm,

The very day he bruised my arm,

Hurling abuses, he said he never wanted me,

All he wanted was more money.

I was sent back home, to fulfill their greed,

But there was nothing left with my parents to give.

Everyday I was told, I was a burden not a need,

With each moment I lost my desire to live.

I thought things would change with a budding life inside me,

I was proved wrong again, I was beaten up till it bleed.

Unconscious, I laid on the floor, all I could smell was kerosene,

I had no strength left to fight, and then the fire crept in.

I could see smiling faces behind those burning flames,

I smiled back at them, felt no pain, as I was going to a better place.

And all miseries came to an end, as my soul left that burning flesh!

Death is peaceful, easy.

It was life that was hard.  

 [One woman dies in India every hour in a dowry related case. Came across one such incident in today’s newspaper, it was pathetic. Is there an end to it? I’ve no answer. ]

The Arranged Marriage

And they met one day,

Two strangers,

Ten minutes to decide on their lives.

Few questions asked,

Infinite unspoken words,

And the decision was made.

Three months passed,

And they met again,

Only on their wedding day.

Stolen glances,

Hidden smiles,

Endless emotions in their eyes,

No one could say, it’s their second meeting,

Looked like they knew each other since years,

They already seemed so much in love.

Love that has only grown with time.

And whenever I see them I wonder,

How did they know it would be alright?

‘They just knew it’, they say,

An inner voice told them,

They were born to be one someday.

Love never ceases to amaze me,

Sometimes we find love in moments,

And sometimes it takes an eternity.

The First Touch

 [Inspired by my own sister’s arranged marriage. Found it really difficult to understand how they took such an important decision of their life in ten minutes, but when i see them now, i can’t help but smile to see the love they feel for each other. The love and friendship which has only grown in two years]