About: The Future

I normally don’t follow daily prompts, but this one today caught my attention: Write the About page for your blog in 10 years. And I’ve decided to give it a try. Here we go….

ABOUT ME

I started writing this blog about 11 years ago, when I was a clueless, 21 year old girl. I was going through a hard phase in life, was broken, depressed and lost in the complexities of life. I think of the decade gone by and wonder how boring it would have been if not for the tricky situations I had to face in every sphere of life. The journey of my life as documented in this blog is a journey of a young girl who fell in have with herself over time, who discovered joy in giving rather than receiving, who fought against injustice and biased societal norms, who learned to let go and face new challenges. It hasn’t been all rosy. I’ve lost friends, trust, love, exams, money, dozens of umbrellas, and thousands of pens but slowly and steadily I’ve learnt to live  without them, to accept changes and their outcomes.

The decision to put an end to my chaotic life in big cities and move back to the homeland I left 18 years ago has proved to be blissful. This is where I always wanted to be, a midst mountains, the smell of mud and burnt wood, lush green trees and snow. I live here with my husband (we still fight a lot), our lovely little daughter, two dogs and  a cat. He hates them all except his own progeny.

The people I met over these years through this blog have inspired me in million different ways, some even proved to be great friends at times of need and despair. The journey I started here as Pseudomonaz, proved to be more real than the virtual life I was actually living.  The acceptance I got here, gave me the confidence to live my own true life. The last decade has been the most eventful time of my life and with new hopes, dreams and independence, life has only begun at thirties.

Welcome to my world… 🙂

*****

 This is how I imagine my ‘about page’ in the next 10 years. The only thing I would like to change is my poor vocabulary and bad grammar. I hope I am a much better writer than I am today. 🙂

Weekly Photo Challenge: Nostalgic

“If tomorrow will be the end of the world,I’ll spend my today by looking at the pictures of my past!” -Mehmet Murat ildan

In the Himalayan foothills, amidst vast forests, lies my maternal village, a place i fall in love with, again and again. I miss it so intensely that I find myself there almost everyday in my dreams.

I dream about this house we have, which is almost two centuries old. The fireplace, the traditional Indian mortar and pestle, the Himalayan view from the terrace, the balcony which is my favorite place in this world- the memories of childhood.

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I dream about the enormous fields, and fruit orchards, my aunt cutting grass with a sickle, the water canals, and the smell of burning wood mixed with that of green leaves, and mud.

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I dream of the school my mother attended, the one built by my grandfather. I visualize the stories my mother told me of her childhood, the pranks she played, her mischief and adventures.

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I dream of the pet cat we have, the tiny one who is scared of rats. and the cows we own, the new born calf which would have grown up since the last time I saw her, almost four years back.

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I see those temples in my dreams, the Shiva temple located atop a hill, the one I visited with a little girl, who by some complex relationship was my aunt.

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There are places which become a part of your identity, a part of what you see yourself to be- my mother’s village is such a place for me. I can go places, see big cities and metros but I’ll always be  a village girl in my heart. I long to visit that place, to spend quite evenings sitting at the terrace with a cup of tea, lay back and enjoy the beauty of nature, without worrying about the rest of the world.

I’ve a wish-  to be able to live the last days of my life there, to attain peace as my life comes to an end.

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*Weekly Photo Challenge*

Weekly Photo Challenge: Companionable

Bhola sleeping on the bed as sun rays fall over him...

Bhola sleeping on the bed as sun rays fall over him…

 

Reading Biochemistry: Yes, he is trying to help me with my studies. ;)

Reading Biochemistry: Yes, he is trying to help me with my studies. 😉

 

I know buddy, the world outside is so much more interesting than Biochemistry lessons. :(

I know buddy, the world outside is so much more interesting than Biochemistry. 😦

 

Since the one year that I’ve been home he has been my only companion. Living in a completely new town, I don’t know many people here, well, none my age, and all those times that I’ve been sad, teary eyed, I’ve hugged him like my one true friend. I have told him things even my mother doesn’t know. I’ve even cried keeping him in my lap. And he has always been the same, the silent, mute spectator, looking at me with his thoughtful eyes. We have played together numerous times and slept under one blanket like siblings. He is the only pet we’ve ever had. And I love him for being with me, for being a friend, a true companion.

 

My entry to the Weekly Photo Challenge.

 

Weekly Writing Challenge: The Distance Between Us

If it wasn’t for the internet, I would have always thought of him as the guy who made me cry by scoring a mark more than me and securing first position in 7th grade.

If it wasn’t for Orkut, I would have never known him personally, never ever have interacted with him in any way.

If it wasn’t for mobile phones, emails, text messages, and video chats, I would have never fallen in love.

Modern technology has played quite essentially the most important part in shaping up the story of my love. Although we knew each other since the time we were 10, we never really liked each other. I always prayed for him to leave school and my prayers were answered after 7th grade, as he left the city to study in a different state.  He was out of my mind and my life until the day when we met in Orkut, the then famous social networking site. The scraps in Orkut soon turned into mails and the mails into phone calls. I was going through a rough phase during those times and the only time I was happy was when I talked to him. After a series of never ending phone calls and numerous texts, we turned from just being friends to best friends. The words we spoke and the words we wrote laid the foundation of a beautiful relationship. We were undoubtedly in love but with a distance of almost 1400 miles between us and with the uncertain future of an inter-caste relationship, it was difficult for us to acknowledge our feelings. We did give in eventually, as it became impossible to hide our feelings from our own soul. There wasn’t a particular date, when we confessed our feelings to each other. I still don’t know the exact time, when our conversations through mails started changing from those of friends to lovers.

The real problem though, was not of falling in love, it was easy, but of keeping that love alive, especially when we had the disadvantage of not being together physically. In these 3 years since we have been together, there were times when I longed to see his face, or wished for nothing but a hug, but all that I could get was a text or a call. There are numerous things I don’t know about him yet. I know the smiley he would send me if he is angry but I still don’t how he looks when he’s angry.  On those rare occasions when we meet, the initial few hours are spent in accepting the fact that this is the same person we talk to for countless hours through phone. By the time we get comfortable with each other, the time to part ways sets in. But those few hours we’ve spent together till today have been inscribed as the most beautiful memories in our minds. If we can make so many memories living at a distance, how wonderful it would be to finally spend the rest of our lives together. This thoughts keeps us going, makes us work hard to make it work. The pain, the separation is worth the happiness.

We’ve shared our dreams and hopes for the future, we’ve shared our embarrassing secrets, the desire to do senseless things, the disappointments and fears we have. We’ve fought over silly things, hurt each other only to forgive and learn from those fights. We’ve always found a way to shorten the distance between us. Our love hasn’t faded because of the complications we’ve faced in life because at the end of the day we trust each other. And trust is what matters the most, be it an online or an offline relationship. If you’ve the belief that you will find true love someday and will strive to make it work, then you surely will, no matter what. You may face many glitches on the way, but one or the other medium would help you to overcome those glitches.

In these three years we’ve created a world of our own. We may not be perfect for each other, but every step we take in our lives; it is to get closer to that perfection. We may have sacrificed few things on the way, but it doesn’t matter much. Love after all is worth giving up everything for, yet feel good about it. It has always been this way, be it the 18th century or the 21st and I believe that it’ll always remain the same.

We clicked this picture sitting on the shores of the holy river Ganga, this month when I met him after a gap of one year. I wish our love remains as pure as the water of this sacred river.

We clicked this picture sitting on the shores of the holy river Ganga, this month when I met him after a gap of one year. I wish our love remains as pure as the water of this sacred river.

 

 

Written for the Weekly Writing Challenge.

Weekly Writing Challenge: Those Hidden Memories

Years ago I visited my mom’s village. I was probably 12 that time and like every kid I had this habit of checking out everything and to ask questions about it. One day I came across a wooden cupboard, and as I opened it, I saw dozens of books inside. My mom told me that all those books belonged to my grandfather. I was a curious little kid who was fond of reading even then and as such I started taking out all those books out. The books were mostly Hindi novels, some even from the early 1900’s (probably inherited by my grandfather from his ancestors) and the difficult language with which they were written made it impossible for me to understand anything.  Bored of the content, I started flipping the pages and as I did that I discovered old letters, torn pages, and dried flowers. I found two letters which were from the time India got independence, both addressed to my grandfather, letters from friends who lived far away. There were also notes about the people to whom my grandfather had lent money. There were pieces of paper, may be receipts of the things he bought with their prices. I was amused to know that once upon a time the cost of sugar was just Re. 1/kg. I was fascinated to read everything, letters, notes but I don’t know why I didn’t keep those things with me. It’s not like I didn’t visit my village again, in fact I was there 4 years ago but those books never crossed my mind. It’s only today when I started writing about this challenge, I thought about those notes in my grandfather’s old books.

Moving on from my grandfather’s story to my own story, I would like to tell you what happened two weeks ago when I went to my sister’s place. She teaches little kids and as such she has kept my old story books, text books, comics with her. One fine day I was going through all those old books of mine and I found lines written by me, dried flowers, leaves of different shapes , cartoon sketches and notes written all over. I can’t express what I really felt that moment. I was happy, sad and excited at the same time. I took time even to recognize my own handwriting; it was so different back then. I could see smiling faces drawn by me all over and I remembered all those happy moments, those beautiful moments I lived. All those memories hidden within the pages of those books were a part of that time of my life when I was really happy, those times when I believed in fairy tales, when I believed in superheroes, those times when I was a protected little girl. I was lost in a world full of memories. Those books brought back my childhood.

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You really can’t hide anniversary cards in e-books, you need paperback course books for that!

It’s not that I don’t like e-books but I do prefer paperbacks. I don’t feel attached to them the way I feel with paperback books. I can’t see them as my personal belongings. I feel attached to the books, novels and magazines I own. I can touch them, smell them, and feel them. Ah the smell of a book, especially of a new or a really old one! I still have the habit of writing small notes on the pages of a book, or hide my secret things within the pages of my text books, no one looks for letters or cards within the books you study, they always look for your diaries. And I certainly can’t hide things in an e-book. I preserve flowers or leaves within them, the first flower my guy gave me, or some differently shaped leaves. I love doing that. And who doesn’t, we all love making memories. Memories make our lives worth living.

Letters from friends, another thing to hide! And it does feel great to find them in the novels i read.

Letters from friends, another thing to hide! And it does feel great to find them in the novels i read.

I believe books are an important part of our property, they are as precious as money or jewelry specially to people like us who spend a major part of our lives either writing or reading the written word. Someday our future generations will inherit these books from us and they will discover the world we lived in. Just like I thought about my grandfather today, they will think about me. And I like being remembered, don’t you?

The latest addition to my memories, one rose from the bouquet i received on my birthday last week.

The latest addition to my memories, one rose from the bouquet i received on my birthday last week.

( Written for this week’s writing challenge)

Weekly Writing Challenge: A Day Together

couple-embrace

The long wait would end soon,

And I would meet you today, this afternoon.

Its been long since I met you the last time,

I’ve missed all those wonderful moments when your eyes met mine.

I’ll wear the dress you gave me this valentine,

I just wish that everything turns out to be fine.

***

As you hold my hand and walk with me down the street,

I forget everything else, with you I feel complete.

I am lost in your eyes, I can’t hear a thing you say,

I can spend my life just watching you, come what may.

You bring me back to my senses, as you touch my cold nose,

I smile as you say you love me, like always you say it with a rose.

***

Its six in the evening and you say its time for you to leave,

Seeing my eyes well up, you ask me to cheer up and not to grieve.

I capture all these moments we’ve spent together in my heart,

You touch my face and kiss me one last time before we move apart.

We hug as we move down the alley, amidst the sounds of the tram passing by,

With a smile on my lips, and tears in my eyes I bid you a final goodbye.

***

[I am attempting the Weekly Writing Challenge for the first time. The picture reminded me of all those days I’ve spent together with my guy. Being miles away from one another we rarely met, and even when we did, it was either at the airport, or railway or bus stations. Just once we got a chance to roam around a city, and the picture reminded me of the first and awkward hug we had at the airport that day. The poem I’ve written is not my story but its neither entirely fictional( Meeting you was more of my actual story).I know that desperation of meeting your love after a long time, the awkward initial moments, the feeling of being together for few hours and then finally parting your ways. I loved writing this one. :-)]