Poems by Shel Silverstein

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While reading some random quotes, I accidentally discovered poems written by Shel Silverstein. Although I have an exam tomorrow, I can’t help but read the wonderful poems this man has written. Falling in love with each one…

Some of my favorite quotes…

1.“There are no happy endings.
Endings are the saddest part,
So just give me a happy middle
And a very happy start.”

2. “She had blue skin. And so did he. He kept it hid, And so did she. They searched for blue Their whole life through, Then passed right by – And never knew.”

3. “…In a world of apples and kisses and shoes
He wasted his wishes on wishing.”

4.

“I cannot go to school today,”
Said little Peggy Ann McKay.
“I have the measles and the mumps,
A gash, a rash and purple bumps.
My mouth is wet, my throat is dry,
I’m going blind in my right eye.
My tonsils are as big as rocks,
I’ve counted sixteen chicken pox
And there’s one more–that’s seventeen,
And don’t you think my face looks green?
My leg is cut–my eyes are blue–
It might be instamatic flu.
I cough and sneeze and gasp and choke,
I’m sure that my left leg is broke–
My hip hurts when I move my chin,
My belly button’s caving in,
My back is wrenched, my ankle’s sprained,
My ‘pendix pains each time it rains.
My nose is cold, my toes are numb.
I have a sliver in my thumb.
My neck is stiff, my voice is weak,
I hardly whisper when I speak.
My tongue is filling up my mouth,
I think my hair is falling out.
My elbow’s bent, my spine ain’t straight,
My temperature is one-o-eight.
My brain is shrunk, I cannot hear,
There is a hole inside my ear.
I have a hangnail, and my heart is–what?
What’s that? What’s that you say?
You say today is. . .Saturday?
G’bye, I’m going out to play!”
hahaha…this one particularly is really funny! We all have done this in our childhood. Haven’t we?

The Little Girl Who Has Gone Away

I didn’t know her. She was born after I left my hometown. But I knew her dad, her uncles, her cousins and everyone else in her family. I never saw her that is until I saw her pictures all over my Facebook feed: pictures of a dead girl, raped and tortured, left to die in a jungle.Her body was in the jungle for five days and no one found her… neither humans nor animals in the jungle. And that picture is engrossed in my mind since that day.

I was in the same town when I was seven: that was seventeen years ago. Seventeen…the number of years she would have lived to be my age but she didn’t. Instead, she was brutally murdered. I have no intention of glorifying the death of a little kid. All I want to do is to get these feelings out of my mind. I don’t want to imagine the seven year old me going through everything she did.

What is it that make humans turn into monsters? How psychopaths who rape kids, people who molest girls on roads, uncles who sexually harass little kids stay amongst us yet manage to hide their intentions? How do we tolerate such things? Do we think that it could never happen to us? At least I thought so, until this time. Yes, I do get affected every time I read about a rape, I discuss it with other people, I curse the criminals, talk about the inefficiency of police in our country, and in another two- four days I forget about it, until the cycle starts again with a new case. But it isn’t the same this time. Is it because she was someone I knew? Is it because I never thought that such a thing could happen in my small, peaceful town? Was I thinking that Uttarakhand being devbhoomi ( the land of the Gods) is above these things? Well, I  guess I was wrong.

If there is something that is above everything, it is evil. Sexual crimes exist every where, whether you are roaming alone in a dark street or you are inside your house. Any person, regardless of his/her age, class, caste or nationality could be a molester, a psychopath. You need not be wearing a short dress to invite unwanted attention, even 7 year olds get raped. I can never understand what goes inside the mind of a molester, what makes them do what they do? Why is it that evil prevails over sanity? I don’t know if anyone could ever answer these questions for me but I know that time and again I’ll be forced to ask these questions. And every time I’ll hear about a new case, the pictures of this girl will cross my mind taking me to the small town where I once lived safely.

Lost In Life

I have never really written regularly here ever since I joined college and its already been an year and a half. Can you believe that! Just six months left for me to leave college, be a post graduate and see the real world. I mean how the hell did it happen? Time passed in the blink of an eye…. I still remember the time I started blogging, clueless about what to do with my life, sitting at home, crying my eyes out, taking out all my frustration over here… I was 22, stupid, scared, overly emotional, a complete fool. Well, I may be stupid even now but I am a different person, may be I have grown up. I am about to be 24 in two months, many of my friends are getting married, some are pregnant and although these updates about their lives  do unnerve me, I am okay with it. I still don’t know what to do with my life, I am yet to find my passion, I suck at everything I have to do in the lab to get my degree, I keep googling the term ” how to quit college” all the time but I am okay, you know a different kind of okay. Yesterday when my dad called me ( which is a very rare thing), I literally choked up while talking to him about my life. I mean crying while talking to my dad!!! I could never have imagined that. I realized that how much ever I want to hate him, I don’t really do. That was a good realization on a bad day. And there are things like these that keep me going.

Did I tell you all that I have got some awesome friends here in college. They are like friends I used to see in movies… friends who know all about your crazy stories, about your hook ups, crushes, dirty intentions etc. I never really had a “college life” during my graduation days. Yes, I had awesome friends then too but we were all a group of innocent people, the slumdogs, the inferiors, we didn’t like the way we were. And that “me” changed when I came over to this place. From being a scared little introvert, I slowly discovered myself and started enjoying life rather than just passing it. You know I even got into a roller coaster ( OK…don’t laugh, it was a BIG thing for me). There were things that I wanted to do but never really did because, I don’t know..I was weird. I completely wasted my graduation days. I don’t know why I was so depressed all the time. I am a much happier person now. Well I am sad too, but that gloom of sadness never interferes with my happy world. To be precise, life never gets boring over here..there is always something to do, whether for fun or for majboori.

All in all, I am on a roller coaster ride my friends…up and down..up and down… and that’s how life is supposed to be, I guess. How are you going doing? Do let me know.

Unexpected Grief

When I recently gave the link of my blog to a friend of mine he was concerned to see so many sad posts in here. He wanted to know why I always write about depressing and melancholic instances of my life and not about the things that make me happy. After days and days of introspection I have realized that I am unable to write anything when I am happy. Writing is something that comes to me only when the sad realities of life weigh me down.  I write when there is no other way to relieve my pain and today is one such day when I need to blog again.

Today is the day when the evil called Cancer has struck my family. My mom called in the evening to tell me that my aunt (my father’s sister) is in the final stages of cancer. For a while I was unable to process that information. I didn’t know how to react. Cancer was something about which I had only studied in books, read in novels or watched in movies. I never thought that it could happen to someone I knew. How ignorant we humans are! No problem bothers us till our close ones face it.  What surprised me more were the tears in my eyes…unknowingly…just like that I was crying for a person I never really liked.

The moment when my mom told me that aunt doesn’t have much time to live… it was a brief moment, mere seconds passed by but a lifetime of memories flashed in my mind. My aunt ill treated my mom in the initial years of her married life. She was rude to my mom and her family members and never missed a chance to insult them. You know she was like those sister-in-laws they show in typical Indian serials. I grew up hearing all these stories and my hatred for her inflated each moment… but her pain is bothering me today. And I am more disturbed by the fact that I can feel bad for her. I don’t know…it’s so strange. I never expected this from myself. I am unable to sleep…I see her face every time I try to close my eyes.

What is it about death that bothers us so much? Why are we so scared to face that ultimate truth? Why is it that I am grieving for someone I never actually cared about?

I am disturbed. I don’t know how to explain what I am feeling right now. There is chaos… a storm in my mind and I am unable to figure out what is bothering me more: the grief or the fact that I am grieving for someone I hated all my life.

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This Feeling….

“Over the last couple of years, the photos of me when I was a kid… well, they’ve started to give me a little pang or something – not unhappiness, exactly, but some kind of quiet, deep regret… I keep wanting to apologize to the little guy: “I’m sorry, I’ve let you down. I was the person who was supposed to look after you, but I blew it: I made wrong decisions at bad times, and I turned you into me.” 
― Nick HornbyHigh Fidelity

This is exactly how I feel today. Sometimes, I feel terrible to see what I’ve become, to be a failure in my own eyes, not that people think of me as one but this feeling of helplessness makes me cringe with a pain in my heart.

Why is that the “could have been, would have been and should have been” hurt so much? Why do I have so many regrets in my life and why can’t I ever overcome them? Why is it so difficult for me to let go off the past and build a new future?

Lately I’ve realized that I’ve too many WHYs in my life…and I’ve answer to none.

The Excuses Writers Make

Ever since I joined college I didn’t write as much as I used to write before. I went for months without writing, and even though I regretted it I didn’t know what to do about it. And every time my friends or my fellow blogger’s asked me about my blog, I gave them different excuses. Well, they didn’t seem like excuses but genuine problems back then and now that I’ve started writing again I know that although writing is difficult but with some extra effort we can try to overcome our assumed writer’s block.

So, coming to the excuses I made, first and foremost was the classic “I am busy” excuse. Really, I don’t know why I never got the time to write those days. Yes, there was college but apart from that I spent all my time watching movies or some random videos on You tube. Trust me, You tube is a murderer of all writing ideas. When you are addicted to it, there is nothing else you can do. I don’t know what I got from watching all those meaningless songs and funny videos. Now, that I think of it, the time spent on it would have been utilized to do so many useful things. I am busier than ever before but now I keep some extra time for writing alone. Even if I write a 100 word poem I make it a point to post it on my blog. When I see people reading it and the stats going up, it automatically forced me to write more.

Now that I am writing from almost two years I know a lot many bloggers personally and I have even met a few of them. And that’s where the problem started for me. As I write a lot of personal posts, my real world started clashing with my virtual world. I was scared to post many things on my blog. I would always think, now that he/she knows me personally what would they think of me. I didn’t realize when this “What would people think of me” excuse became the biggest hindrance on my way to write. I couldn’t gather myself to write as freely as I used to write before. It all feels stupid now, as in my personal life I made it a point not to worry about what people think of me. I realized that  even if they criticize you it’s for your own good. Instead of worrying about my real life being affected by my blog life, I should have concentrated more on being a better person; to take criticism positively and not let it affect my writing abilities.

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The third and the most important excuse was the “I am such a shitty writer” excuse. It was like when I first started blogging I never expected the response that I got initially from my posts. I was new to blogging and saw people all over the world reading my stuff. I was overwhelmed beyond any measures. I wrote everyday, and waited to get those likes, comments on my posts. But slowly and slowly the response got fiddled. In the quest to write better posts I made mistakes, and lost my readership.images

I wanted to please everyone but that my friend is impossible. We can never ever please everybody. There will always be people who would criticise you no matter what. And as I have quoted Margaret Atwood before, “If I waited for perfection, I would never write a word”.

So, the best thing is to just let go, and write whatever you wish to write, even if it seems stupid, foolish or illogical to you, there might be someone in the whole wide world who would find some logic in it. The key is to never give up, and keep trying, not to please others but to keep your passion of writing alive.

time concept, selective focus point, special toned photo f/x

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Images from 1, 2 , 3.

Crushes and Confessions

I did it. I confessed my feelings to my crush from school. I had never imagined I would do this; it was a brave thing for me to do, given that he’s a friend of mine and is in a relationship with another girl since many years. I was talking to him after almost a year, and the more we talked, the more I felt like telling him about the cute little crush I had on him. Lately I have been on a mission to confess my feelings to all my crushes since school and he was the second one on that list. This mission was the outcome of an article I read on the web which listed the 25 things one should do before turning 25.

I never knew accepting my feelings would feel so good. I had always imagined the confession to be a little awkward but it wasn’t like that at all. In fact I am smiling ever since the moment I told him about it. The biggest surprise was the way in which he reacted to my confession; he literally had no clue about it. I told him about my weakness for thin, nerdy guys and how he filled that criterion completely. I told him about his test paper which I had kept with me as a memory of him.  I was too ashamed to confess that I always waited for him to talk to me and about the horrible feelings I had for not talking  to him during our 2 years at school. When your crush doesn’t even know that you exist, it hurts a lot, especially when you are in your teens. We actually started talking/ chatting when we met in Orkut after joining college and that’s how our friendship started.

I remember that I used to share everything about my life with him, most of which was really depressing stuff. I have really irritated him with my sad stories and like a good friend he advised me whenever I was down. I don’t know when my crush changed into a deep meaningful bond of trust and friendship. There were times when we lost contact in between but after those short breaks I always connected to him in ways I never felt with anybody else. Without even thinking that he might not be interested in my senseless chatter, I used to tell him everything. He was that one friend of mine who never got old, and in those times of distress, when he advised me over love or career, I started respecting him.

Last night as we talked I realised that there are some bonds which are greater than friendship and purer than love. I understood that sometimes we want to see some people happy, no matter what. Sometimes we listen to depressing stories of our friends to make them feel better, even when we have our own problems. And that sometimes high school crushes lead to lifelong friendships. I am lucky to have one.