Bhaiyya, ye husband kitne ka diya?

A friend of mine has finally managed to find a guy for herself. Actually her father has finally managed to buy a husband for her. After months and months of bargaining, the price (dowry) has been decided. It is Rs. 12 lakhs in cash+ lots of gold+ a CAR and mind you,  it must not just be a car, but a CAAARRR!( Hope you’ve seen that CAR commercial)

The Bride’s family members are very happy, specially her mom. Okay, you must be surprised by her happiness like I was. Why is she so happy to give away such a huge amount of money? Well she has 3 male children, after the only daughter. Jitna jaa rha hai usse three times jyada wapas aayega. And adding to that, the first son has done an MBA, and is working abroad. Yippee, ye to jackpot hai!

In her exact words, ” Uska to 30 lakh se kam koi dega hi nahi.”

To me it sounded like I am in a sabji market.

“Kaka, is baar aloo ki fasal kafi achchi hui hai, iska 20 Rs/ kg se kam to milega nahi.“

My friend told me its very common to put a price to guys according to their profession or qualification. He told me that the rate of a Thelewala is around 1.5 lakh. As I was thinking about the thelewala, a really interesting situation came to my mind. What if there was a market to sell husbands? How cool would be that!

All you have to do is imagine a market, lets call it the Dulha street and a thelewala selling husbands on his thela. And there are two girls, Mona and Sona, out their to shop for a husband for Mona.

Thelewala: Husband le lo, husband. Naye naye, fresh husband!

Mona: Hey Sona, look that thela there, it seems to have a nice stock.

Sona: Chal jake check kar lete hain.

Mona: Bhaiyya, Mere liye husband chahiye.

Thelewala: Aao aao madam, yahan sab type ke husband milenge.

Sona: Bhaiyya, Soch samajh ke dikhana, sasta or tikaau hi chahiye.

Thelewala: Ye lo madam, bilkul fresh maal hai, Aaj hi aaya hai. MNC mai kaam krta hai, eklauta beta hai. And apna khud ka family business bhi hai.

Mona: Ahaan, Baki sab to thik hai but iska complexion mujhse match nhi hota. Jara dekh na Sona.

Sona: Haan yaar. Not at all matching. Thoda or dark hona tha. Ye cancel bhaiyya. Koi or dikhao.

Thelewala: Ye lo madam, engineer hai, 25 years age, Young and dashing!

Sona and Mona started whispering: Ye sahi lagta hai. He was too cute.

Mona: Bhaiyya ye husband kam or boyfriend material jyada lagta hai.

Thelewala: To boyfriend hi bana lo madam. Uska to daam bhi kam hai.

Mona: Daam kyun kam hai iska?

Thelewala: Arre madam , husband mai background check, family check, income check sab karna padta hai. Or upar se lifelong warranty deni padti hai. Boyfriend to temporary hai, and i’ll also give you 2 years warranty.

Sona: Or agar ye 2 saal se pehle dhoke baaj nikla to?

Thelewala: To 70% cashback ya on the spot replacement.

Sona to Mona: Yaar this is good, jyada risk bhi nahi hai.

Mona: Have you gone mad? Mom asked me to buy a husband, not a boyfriend. Tujhe to pta hai, Mom ko faltu kharch bilkul pasand nahi. And they don’t even have a background check on boyfriends. What if he turned out to be a fraud?

Sona: You are right. Bhaiyya, boyfriend nahi chahiye, husband hi dikhao.

Thelewala pulls out another one. The guy has long hairs, exactly like Salman Khan in Tere Naam.

Mona screams: Kya Bhaiyya, Itna purana stock kyun dikha rhe ho. Ab Dabanng ka jamana hai, Tere naam ke din gaye. Waise usse yaad aaya, aapke pass Salman Khan nahi hain, wo bhi to bachelor hi hain na.

Thelewala: No madam, wo designer maal hai, kahan local market mai milega? Or jahan tak mujhe pata hai, Salman Khan abhi kahin bhi available nahi hai.

Sona: Achcha bhaiyya, but koi pirated ya duplicate to milega na?

Thelewala: Kyun nhi madam!Ye lo, London based MBA hai and very rich family. Only for Rs. 25 lakh.

Sona and Mona checked out the guy. He was good, smart, handsome and an NRI. Ye to jackpot lag gaya hath!

Mona: Bhaiyya, iska price thoda jyada hai. Kuch to kam karo.

Thelewala: No madam, its a fixed price shop. And I’ve told you very less price. Or jagah ye bahout costly milega.

Mona observed him closely. She found something wrong with his nose.

Mona: Bhaiyya, iski to naak tedhi hai. Manufacturing defect hai bhaiyya, ab to discout dena hi pdega.

Thelewala: Kahan madam, kuch bhi to nahi hai.

Mona: See Bhaiyya, ek to defective maal upar se full price, ye to galat hua na?

As Mona was busy arguing with the thelewala, Sona was checking out other shops and suddenly she screamed.

Sona: Hey Mona, look there. Those are the shoes we were looking out for ,since so many days. You know na, they are so in these days.

Mona: OMG, look those are the blue ones i always wanted to buy. Lets go there.

Thelewala: Par Madam , ye husband?

Mona: Arre bhaiyya, baad mai dekh lenge. pehle hamein shoes lene do. Sona, run before they get sold out.

Thelewala: Madam stop, I’ll give you 10% discount. Wait madam. Please.

No one could stop the two girls now. Not even a discount!

Thelewala looked at the NRI dulha and said: Ab tu yahan kya khada hai? Saala din hi khraab hai. Ek bhi dulha nahi bika. Khali peeli time waste ho gaya. Ja apni jagah jake khade ho! Hurrrr… nalayak!

The two girls came out of the shoe store, satisfied with the shoes they’ve just bought.

Sona: Maje aa gye yaar, we finally got the shoes. But yaar ghar jake danth to nahi pdegi. Yaad hai na husband lena tha.

Mona: Chill yaar. I’ll tell mom ki koi achcha hi nahi lga. And didn’t you see that board, it says there will be a new years sale in January. Jab same maal aadhe price mai milega tab le lenge.

The two girls went home, taking with them the shoes they wanted so badly. (You know girls right, they’ll go out to buy furniture and bring back hairclips, shoes instead of a husband is no big deal!)

*****

And as I write this story here, I sincerely hope that like passing of the FDI bill has paved  the way for a Walmart store in India, soon we can also have a Dulha market. And to lessen the burden of dowry, government should introduce subsidy in dulhas. We can’t have subsidized LPG cylinders, but we can have Subsidized Husbands, right?

Courtesy: http://www.indiatogether.org/